It’s on the Cards

two merry christmas cards illustration
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Mailing out Christmas cards to family and friends is along held tradition for many people. Even in the age of social media, I still receive cards in the mail. I’ve never been much of a card sender (I’ve given cards out in person at family gatherings), but I still enjoy receiving cards.

This Christmas season, however, things are different. My divorce became final on November 29, 2018. Every card I received is addressed to me only, another subtle reminder of “the new normal.”I’m not saddened by it or anything, it’s just feels weird. My ex-wife and I lived in this same house for sixteen of our eighteen years of marriage and the Christmas cards come with both of our names on them. Now it’s just me.

I know getting over a divorce or any other life changing event is a process- spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. I am making adjustments day by day to be a better person and to find my way on my own. I have taken this time to count my blessings- my family has been very supportive, friends have reached out, I’ve joined a men’s group at church, I am more open and social at work, my ex-wife and I are on friendly terms, and my dogs are still crazy about me.

The holidays are often a depressing time for so many people and I’m trying to avoid that fate. I might be lonely, but I know I’m not alone. I will survive this Christmas and I know I will thrive in the new year.

 

 

Advertisements

The Golden Band

band blur close up engagement
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

I hold in my hand the golden band

That once stood for love and commitment,

Which is now relegated to a nondescript box,

Like any other piece of jewelry.

The golden band was once a symbol

Of two people living one life,

Working together to overcome any obstacle

That stood in their path,

But now represents a broken home.

The golden band represents a broken heart,

A failed commitment,

Broken promises and broken dreams.

 

 

 

 

Possibilities and Processes

dream text on green leaves
Photo by Karyme França on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

What if we revived dreams

We once deemed dead and gone?

What if we were to  re-open our minds

To the possibilities we so easily dismissed?

Opportunities come in so many different ways,

Through good circumstances and bad,

We often fail to recognize them.

While we have this present moment,

Let us open our hearts to love again.

Though the cities of our minds

May have been raided and destroyed

By events and people,

We can rebuild like Nehemiah and the walls of Jerusalem.

This process will have its ups and downs,

But the results will be well worth the effort.

In the Father’s Arms

What a terrible week!

The Friday after Thanksgiving (11/23), my grandmother passed away after a long illness. We as a family celebrated her life the following Tuesday. My grandmother was a kind, loving, and generous soul whom I will miss dearly. My grandmother’s funeral also marked the first time my wife and family have seen each other since our divorce announcement. Everybody was civil and welcoming  toward each other as we shared in our common grief.

I was informed on Friday that my divorce is final. I’m divorced. I have an ex-wife. I never thought I would utter those phrases. It all sounds so strange to say and hear. Eighteen years of marriage was dissolved sixty-two days after the paperwork was filed. A judge’s signature and a court stamp was all it took. It’s officially over. The time has come to begin the rebuilding process.

I went to church on Sunday and the pastor preached the first in a series on dreams. I  listened intently to the words as they ministered to my spirit. I don’t know where all of this fits into a plan, but it has to be leading to something. Of all things, God used a guinea pig to illustrate His point.

After church, I came home to clean out the cage of  my guinea pig, Bugsy. If you ever had a guinea pig or other rodent for a pet, you know they can sometimes be anxious and jittery animals. As I took Bugsy out of his cage and was transferring him to a box while I cleaned, he came to rest in the bend of my elbow. I stroked the top of Bugsy’s head and told him, “It’s okay, Bugsy, you’re in Daddy’s arms.” Just a simple phrase to comfort a nervous animal brought me a spiritual revelation.

All of us who have a relationship with God are in our Father’s arms. God is holding us tight and comforting us through the trials we face. I don’t understand the reason for some of the trials I’ve faced these last three years, but I know I am not alone. As the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:39, there’s nothing that can separate us from God’s love- not death, not divorce, not sickness, not job loss, nothing. As I go forward with my life and this unexpected journey, I will take comfort in the arms of my Heavenly Father and traveling companion.

 

Book Review “Football for a Buck”

Jeff Pearlman’s book, Football for a Buck: The Crazy Rise and Crazier Demise of the USFL is a fascinating read that brilliantly weaves in multiple narratives of an upstart football league, politics, and larger than life personalities of players, coaches, and owners.

The USFL, aka The United States Football league, was in operation for 1983-1985 and was a spring American football alternative to the NFL. Pearlman’s research is thorough and describes how the idea for the USFL actually dated back to 1961, when New Orleans business owner David Dixon conceived of a spring football league. However, it wasn’t until the early 1980s before his idea came to fruition.

The USFL had teams in established NFL territories such as Houston (the Gamblers), Tampa Bay (the Bandits), Philadelphia (the Stars), and Chicago (the Blitz) to name a few. There were also teams in other cities where there was no NFL presence: Jacksonville (the Bulls), Memphis (the Showboats), Orlando (the Renegades), and San Antonio (the Gunslingers). The USFL played an 18 game regular schedule compared to the NFL’s 16 game regular season schedule.

Pearlman’s book has many stories of the gross mismanagement and incompetence of multiple USFL franchises, but teams were not short on talent. Four players from the USFL- quarterbacks Steve Young and Jim Kelly, defensive end Reggie White, and offensive lineman Gary Zimmerman went on to have hall of fame careers in the NFL. The USFL also managed to snag three consecutive Heisman Trophy winners away from the NFL- running back Herschel Walker, quarterback Doug Flutie, and running back Mike Rozier. In many ways, the USFL was ahead of its time. Several USFL innovations- a salary cap to control team spending, an instant replay challenge system, and the two point conversion have been adopted by the NFL during the last three decades.

The USFL was not without its growing pains, but the league tried to do too much too fast. Pearlman’s book shows how politics and greed led to the USFL’s downfall. The politics has an effect on our world today. Donald Trump, the current President of the United States, purchased the New Jersey Generals and was instrumental in convincing team owners to play a fall schedule in order to compete head on with the NFL. The move lead to the USFL filing an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL, in which the USFL won, but received $1 in damages. One dollar. The USFL closed its doors prior to the start of the 1986 season.

Overall, I enjoyed Football for a Buck, as it combined two of my interest- history and American football. Pearlman does a great job in bringing parallels of the USFL’s politics into our current political environment and he also focuses on stories of lesser known USFL players. I would recommend Football for a Buck: The Crazy Rise and Crazier Demise of the USFL for anyone interested in sports, history, and politics.

That Used Feeling

bare trees during golden hour
Photo by Ian Turnell on Pexels.com

How do you get over the feeling of being used?

After you devoted years of your life, time, energy, money, a listening ear, friendship, the other party- the spouse who has filed for divorce, the downsizing employer, the friend who betrayed you- inform you that your services are no longer needed. Where do you go from there?

When it comes to matters of business, such as being laid off or being forced into early retirement, that’s just the reality of the business world. To quote from the classic movie, The Godfather, “It’s not personal, it’s strictly business.”

However, when it comes to interpersonal relationships- marriage, long-term dating, friendship, family, how do you get over that feeling of being used when the relationship sours? How can you build trust with anyone else? As the finalization of my divorce looms, I’ve had to battle this feeling of being used. I know that’s not truly the case and deep down, I am battling a false perception, which I must overcome. False perception or not, my heart still stings.

As I write this, I am forty-one years old and twenty of those years- two years of dating and eighteen of marriage have been intertwined with someone else. Two lives became one and now they are two separate lives. I know I did everything I could to make it work and only reluctantly agreed to a divorce, but the hurt remains. These twenty years weren’t all bad, as there are many great memories, laughs, and good times, yet here I am alone.

I know that divorce is a process. I have made strides and I am reconnecting with God. My family has also been a great source of strength during this time. I know as the time passes, I will right my perceptions. This shock wave will subside and I will move on with my life. This situation has truly rocked me to the core. I never thought I would be here.

 

Love’s Regret

affection board broken broken hearted
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

How could I have missed the signs

When they were in front of me the whole time?

Was I in denial and refused

To believe the real truth about you?

My heart has ached over this pain

And my body’s energy has been drained

Because this decision has cost me years,

Many restless nights, anxiety, and tears.

I wanted to believe that I made the right choice

As I drowned out the doubts of my inner voice.

This one time I ignored reason and went with emotion

While ignoring the red flags and commotion

Has cost me dearly,

For my soul is broken and weary.

You are gone and life has been turned upside down,

As you are on the other side of town.

I will fall in love again,

I just don’t know when.

Nevertheless, the work begins on rebuilding my spirit,

The inner me, who will escape from this pit.