The Overwhelmed Facade

 

By Michael W. Raley

I feel so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to begin.

I am doing my best to maintain the facade

While going through these difficult life transitions.

I feel so inadequate,

So not up to the challenge.

However, I know that’s not me.

Heartbreak and grief have overtaken me,

Rendering me helpless and hopeless.

I find myself fatigued and out of breath

As I try to remove the ever increasingly difficult obstacles in front of me.

If only my advocate would intervene and say, “That is enough,”

Then my heart would rejoice and my spirit would be victorious.

 

 

 

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Needless Reminders of the Past

grayscale photography of a pathway
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

I try to move onto a hopeful future,

Only to find others continuously reminding me of the past.

Every failure, every misstep, and every mistake,

Is recalled  with ultra high definition memory.

I’ve had to battle my own thoughts and anxieties on the subject

And I don’t need to be piled on like this.

I know what happened was traumatic and sudden,

But I can’t do anything about it.

We must adapt and accept the new reality,

My current scene in the great cosmic play of life.

Those old wounds will never heal

If you keep messing with the scabs.

Let us learn to dwell in the present

Because I don’t live in the past anymore.

 

Where Were You?

lighted candle
Photo by Rahul on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

Where were you when I was bound in the darkness?

Where were you when the weight of depression was crushing my spirit?

I called repeatedly for your help,

Only to be once again met with silence.

You were the only one who could have put an end to it,

Yet you chose not to do so.

The pain only grew and the darkness continued to loom over me.

I wasn’t seeking gold, silver, fame or glory,

I only wanted to feel better,

I wanted to be whole again.

As I began to push my way through the darkness,

The light began to flicker and my hope began to emerge.

You may have been silent,

But you left me with the tools I needed to build a new future.

 

 

Change is Coming

“Change is the only constant in life.” -Heraclitus

The time has come for me to make a change in my life. After seventeen-and-a-half years, it’s time to move. I don’t like moving. The only thing I dislike just as much as moving is looking for a job. My dislike of moving might be the reason I stayed here so long.  However, as I write this, the house will be on the market within the next day.

I have good memories of living in this house, but it has become a painful reminder of loss and struggle. This is the house I built with my ex-wife. I have to make a change for my mental health’s sake. Now begins the transition process. The upcoming weeks are going to be filled with looking at new places, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of, planning a new budget, you know, all the fun adulting stuff.

Believe it or not, I welcome the change. This is the start of a new adventure. I am writing a new chapter in my  life. The decision to sell was an easy one. I’ve overstayed my welcome in a bad situation, but I finally realize that I have the power to change it. I was so bound up with depression and grief that I could not see my way out of the situation.

Change is going to come in life, no doubt about it. When change comes, we have to ability to embrace it, and “go with the flow,” or we can be dragged kicking and screaming. I’m tired from the kicking and screaming. I’m ready to follow the stream to see where it goes.

 

This House

brown and white concrete house surrounded with trees
Photo by Malte Lu on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

This house was once a symbol of love,

A sanctuary from the problems of the outside world.

This house was a home where faith ruled,

Where challenges were met and conquered.

Love has now been replaced by brokenness

And faith has been met with thunderous silence.

The sanctuary has become a prison,

For I am bound up with chains of failure.

This symbol of hope has become a monument to folly.

As I live alone in my thoughts,

I find myself in the throes of misery and depression,

Still trying to make sense of this new normal.

I seek to be freed from this burden of wood and concrete,

So that I may begin life anew.

The End of Self-Pity

By Michael W Raley

O self-pity, how I must put you to an end.

All of this wasted time

Has only brought about inaction and indecision.

Self-pity, you’ve eroded my hope

For the last time.

I will no longer allow myself

To wallow in the mud like some pig.

No, today is a new day,

My day of living life with a new purpose.

Self-pity, it’s time to face facts:

You and I are finished.

A Delightful Spring Day

By Michael W. Raley

The curtains open,

The sun, at my back,

Beaming through the windows,

Dissolving my stress.

I take comfort

In the familiar bed

That helps ease the tension

Of the every day life.

This simple, seemingly monotonous act

Of a delightful spring day

Restores my soul

And reinvigorates my spirit.