Self-Imposed Chains

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By Michael W. Raley

I failed to recognize my chains

Until I was set free,

Empowered by the knowledge

That I held the key.

At any time,

I could’ve walked away

And not resided in that prison

For another wasted day.

Ignorance is not bliss

When you think about your life,

The opportunities and joys missed

When we are embittered and in bondage

To things present, things future, and things past.

We fill ourselves with complaint and outrage

And wonder why the good times didn’t last.

We fume about things out of our control

And bicker about the politics and melodrama

Never realizing the toll

This takes on our energy and our spirits.

My brother, my sister, my friend,

It is not too late to change the story,

You are the writer who can change the end

And begin to enjoy this one live you’ve been given.

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The Healing Wound

By Michael W. Raley

The wound is still fresh,

Yet, the pain is beginning to diminish.

Since you left, I have learned to cope,

I even found time to build a new foundation of hope.

I have found new ways

To make the most of each day.

My emotions will no longer toss me back and forth on the sea,

For I have made the choice to live for me.

 

Hitting Life’s Reset Button

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Electronic devices have changed the way we live, work, communicate, entertain and inform ourselves. However, a tiny glitch, freeze, crash, or virus in our laptop, TV, phone, tablet, or gaming console can temporarily disrupt our lives and cause us frustration. When these issues arise, we can always reboot the device and hope that takes care of the  problem. The manufacturer, knowing the fragility of the devices, provide us a way to reset when problems come up.

Wouldn’t be great if life had a reset button?

No matter what you are facing in life- the death of a love one, a divorce, a chronic sickness, job loss, depression, anxiety, or anything else life throws at us, we have a chance everyday to reset. Though we can’t change what has happened, we are able to change our perspective and response to the problem.

Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” we ask, “What can I learn from this?” What if we were able to look at our difficulties as opportunities for growth? I’ve spent a lot of time in my life bemoaning “woe is me,” and wondering why events happened the way they did. If you are going through that, let me save you some time- that thinking is a dead end street. We always want to look for reasons or try to figure out where our situation fits in with a divine plan, but we are better off moving forward.

Changing our perspective and growing though life’s difficulties involves a lot of work- dirty, sweaty, grimy, yucky work. When we come to that point, we have to examine ourselves and work towards making today better than yesterday. You will have to face some truths about yourself, but you will also discover an inner strength and resolve to face the world.

The work doesn’t have to take years. If you are willing to work at it, you can get through it in a matter of months. You set the pace. In the months since my wife filed for divorce, I have spoken to a therapist, began the process of dealing with my depression and anxiety, I find time to meditate, and I have gone back to church.  I don’t say that to brag, I know I have a long way to go. I am also dealing with chronic health problems as well, which affect my energy and mindset on a daily basis. Every morning I hear the alarm or the dogs whining to go out, I attempt to see the day as a chance to improve upon yesterday.

Thanks and God bless.

Rebuilding My Faith

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I went to church Sunday morning. I know a lot of people go to church on Sunday morning, but for me this marked the first time in over a year. With the events of the past several years, I had wandered from my faith. God was silent and I was finished with the  whole thing.

Until…

I began to feel a tug on my heart that I needed to get back to church. So I began the process of getting back into seeking God’s mercy. I walked into church and it felt like I never left. The worship was sweet and the pastor preached about the glory of God.

It was all so humbling that God still wanted something to do with me- after my wandering, my incorrect beliefs, and my not wanting anything to do with Him. God’s grace is greater than our sin and I understand that now.

“I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.” Psalm 122:1(KJV).

Living Life with UC

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Living with Ulcerative colitis is a lot like trying not to disturb a bear- the consequences can and will be painful. I have lived with UC for almost twenty years and I have managed to build a life in spite of the disease. I was twenty-two years old and a senior in college when the symptoms first appeared.

Ulcerative colitis is an inflammatory bowel disease which affects over 900,000 Americans of all genders and races.1 Ulcerative colitis is inflammation of the colon, which can cause the following symptoms:

-Diarrhea (with blood or pus in the stool)

-Stomach cramps

-Bloating

-Joint pain

-Fatigue

-Anemia due to the loss of blood

-Weight loss

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, please seek medical treatment as soon as possible. If you are referred to a specialist, the specialist will want to perform a colonoscopy to confirm the diagnosis. As of now, there is no cure for Ulcerative colitis or any other inflammatory bowel disease, it can only be controlled through diet, medication, exercise, and managing stress levels.

UC is a lifelong diagnosis and a lifelong adversary, due to the flare-ups you may experience. In my particular situation, my UC went into remission for years, and I was able for a period of time not take any medication. However, my symptoms came back and I currently take two medications to control it- one a biologic I have to inject and new pills I am waiting to take effect. My last medication stopped working after three years.

Concerning the treatment of flare ups, your doctor will more than likely provide you with a steroid to help get the inflammation under control. Always make sure you study up on the medicine your prescribed, because all medicines have side effects, as do steroids.

Another way to help control the flares is to manage your diet. Test to see if certain foods trigger your symptoms- foods such as dairy products, caffeine, carbonated drinks, alcohol, high fiber foods, fried and fatty foods, breads, etc can affect UC.

Taking care of your mental health is also essential in dealing with UC. The constant sickness and pain can make you fatigued, which can lead to depression. The fear of having a flare up can cause anxiety about going out in public or even going to work. If you must, talk to a spiritual or mental health counselor concerning your situation.

UC has changed my life and it has changed the lives of my family. My UC recovery is also complicated by other autoimmune diseases such as hypothyroidism, Celiac disease, and osteopenia. However, in spite of these circumstances, I am determined to live my life to the fullest and to try and help others who are facing this problem. It is possible to live a satisfying life, even with UC.

The Awkward In-Between

By Michael W. Raley

For a once solid relationship,

Which was built on love, trust, faith, laughs, and deep conversations,

The dynamics have changed forever.

Since you left,

The deafening sound of silence has dominated the conversation in this house.

We now talk occasionally and as always, with civility,

But something feels off to me.

I know this process has to run its course,

However, I now find myself in this awkward in-between,

Where I don’t know what to say to you,

As if we are strangers meeting for the first time.

We are both living our new lives

After half of a lifetime together.

I know I must adapt to the new reality

And find my own way without you.

 

 

Making Midlife Adjustments

“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”-Mike Tyson

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The greatest coaches and managers across all sports are able to make adjustments. These coaches and managers will study hours of film and spend additional hours putting in a game plan. It’s game day and all hell has broken loose. The plan isn’t working. The opponent has found a hole in your defense and is exploiting it. The offense can’t score, let alone gain any ground. What does the coaching staff do?

Make adjustments, that’s what the coaching staff does. The team gets together at halftime and tweaks the plan. The ability to adapt to an unplanned situation could mean the difference between a coach hoisting a championship trophy or being unemployed at season’s end.

Adaptability is a necessary skill in life. Adaptability is the difference between moving forward or staying stuck in an unfavorable situation. How do you adapt when a once solid relationship falls apart? What do you do when your financial bottom line changes? How do you handle a life-altering diagnosis? A crisis of faith?

Adaptation.

I have chronicled many of my life’s changes and struggles from my mental and physical health to my current situation, which is my impending divorce. It is still early in the divorce process, and I know the process has to play out. However, I never thought I would be making this particular “midlife adjustment.” This 1275 square foot home looks empty and sounds very cavernous, especially  when the dogs bark. However, I am making the best of the situation, and adjusting my financial lifestyle. I have never been a man of means, but I have found some fat that needs to be trimmed.

Adapting to life’s changes doesn’t mean you have to stop enjoying your life. This lesson I learned after my Celiac disease diagnosis. I had to be diligent in reading food labels and look out for the words”wheat,” “barley,” and “rye.” I have since learned there are derivatives of these products as well. I would often lament over the food I couldn’t have, but I learned to enjoy a bevy of new foods. Truth be told, many of the gluten-filled foods weren’t that good for me in the first place. If I can change my eating habits at thirty-nine, I can make adjustments from a divorce at forty-one.

I know it sounds cliche, but I am getting through this process one day at a time. It’s just me, the two dogs, the guinea pig, and the turtle. I must continue to take care of my physical and mental health in this situation, as the stress of all this has affected my body. My wife and I have told our immediate families, but there has not been a widespread announcement, which will come shortly. Part of me wants to get it out there and into the open, but another part of me doesn’t want the barrage of questions and the looks of judgments from others.

This looming divorce was never in the game plan. In the back of your mind, you always ask the “What if” questions of life, but you never see it coming. This was the punch in the mouth I did not expect, but I am clearing out the cobwebs. I have had my good days and the bad days that make you want to dig a hole and stay there, but I know I must persist. I will be fine. A long period of adjustment is coming, but I am willing to do the work and improve myself.