I’ve spent a lot of my life being angry- at myself, the condition of the world, unanswered prayers, disappointment, poor stress management, and seemingly hopeless situations. Anger is also a by-product and symptom of such things as depression, grief, illness, trauma, and the everyday frustrations of being an adult.
Anger is viewed as a destructive force which will eat away at us and rob us of any joy, as these quotes testifty:
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”-Buddha.
“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson.
“When anger arises, think of the consequences.” -Confucius.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain.
When our anger becomes apparent to those around us, the question becomes Why are you so angry?
Sometimes we’ll spout off some surface answer, such as:
“I hate my job.”
“My boss is a jerk.”
“My kids won’t act right.”
“Politician X or party Y are ruining this country.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to pay these bills.”
“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
However, what if in our attempt to figure out the cause of our anger, we are asking the wrong question? What if instead of asking, “Why am I angry?” we should ask ourselves, “You’re angry, now, what are you going to do about it?
***Disclaimer- this question does not imply that you bring harm to yourself or someone else. If that’s the conclusion you come to, then please seek qualified professional help.***
If we can ask ourselves about what we are going to do about the situation, we can reason through the situation. This reasoning can take time, as it depends on how much work someone is willing to go through to resolve the issue.
After asking yourself what are you going to do, ask yourself this question:
Is any part of this situation in my control? If yes, then implent change. If not, then realize the only things you can control are your responses, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and perceptions.
Let’s use the example of the fact you dislike your job and your boss. How can we better handle the situation better and not be so angry?
-We could be thankful to have a job because some people don’t have jobs.
-We can be emphathetic to our boss because maybe he or she is under a lot of stress.
-If the situation becomes unbearable, we can speak to our boss about the issue. If talking doesn’t resolve it, then we can go to a higher corporate authority.
-We can ask our boss or coworkers if they need help with anything to ease their stress.
-We go to work and focus on our job and not worry about the stress around us.
-We can always search for another job or try to transfer to a different department.
-We could pursue a more fulfilling career.
-We could be in a state of prayerfulness or mindfulness concerning our attitude and responses.
This is just one simplified example, but I believe that any stressful situation is not worth our peace of mind and we must step back to get back on track. If you want to pursue a lifestyle change, then you must put in the time to change. Seek wisdom and find the inspiration within yourself. God bless.