Book Review- Rising Strong

rising strong
Image from Random House Books

Shame, regret, failure, and vulnerability are words that can trigger visceral reactions and bring to the surface long suppressed emotions. However, if we are to move forward in life, we must come to terms with these issues. In her book Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brene Brown provides a masterful roadmap on how to recover from life’s setbacks.

In Rising Strong, Brown draws from her experience as a social worker, academic researcher, wife, mother, and stories from everyday people all the way to Fortune 500 companies to weave a tapestry that reflects the simultaneous beauty and mess that is life. Rising Strong is more than a conventional self-help book, as Brown encourages her readers to dig deep and “rumble” with the issues at hand and to live through the process on a daily basis.

(If you are unfamiliar with Brene’ Brown, I would encourage you to pull up her TEDx Talks on YouTube).

All of us fall and fail in life, but Brown states the importance of vulnerability, which she defines as, “The willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome -is the only path to more love, belonging, and joy.”1 Even during the times we fall flat on our faces, the rising strong process reveals to us who we are and allows us to draw upon our inner strength.

While Brown discusses embracing the failure, she warns against downplaying the emotional effects of it: “To strip failure of its real emotional consequences is to scrub the concepts of grit and resilience of the very qualities that make them both so important- toughness, doggedness, and perseverance.”2

Early on in the book, Brown outlines the Rising Strong process, which she uses throughout the process. “The goal of the process is to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness into our lives.”3 The other elements of the Rising Strong process includes what Brown calls “The Reckoning,” “The Rumble,” and “The Revolution,” which involve recognizing how emotions and feelings influence our behavior, owning our stories, and writing a new ending, respectively.

If you are serious about making changes in your life and you are willing to do the dirty work, I highly recommend Rising Strong. Brown lays down the gauntlet for a life changing challenge, as I saw it in light of my own recent life events concerning my health, divorce, and starting over.

Brene Brown, Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York: Random House (2015): xvii.

Ibid, xxv.

Ibid, 37.

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This Unexpected Second Chance

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By Michael W. Raley

I never thought I would’ve ended up here,

After all the hard work, sacrifice, tears,

The late nights, the prayers, and conquering the fears.

I gave you everything I had, even my youthful years.

I now find myself in middle age,

Getting ready to turn the page

On a chapter I didn’t plan to write,

Like an unexpected fog rolling in on a clear night.

However, I am learning to embrace this unexpected second chance,

Even if it was born of the most unpleasant circumstance.

My heart and spirit for a time were broken and frail,

I am now determined to clear my path and blaze a trail.

 

 

 

 

The Rising and the Wonder

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By Michael W. Raley

Dare I say that hope is rising in my spirit?

For the first time in a long time,

I am living with a sense of wonder-

Wonder of God, wonder of life, and the possibility of love.

I recognize the new opportunity,

However, I am slightly guarded, yet optimistic.

I never thought I would be here,

Especially after all of the hopeless and dark days.

Today is an opportunity for a reset

And I will embrace this moment.

 

The Challenge of the Change

By Michael W. Raley

I took a leap of faith

And landed flat on my face.

However, I don’t have time to mourn my fate

Because I have to finish this race.

I cannot afford to remain

Mentally sick and frail,

Bound up with pain,

For I’m setting out on a new trail.

I am shutting down the negativity and the strife,

While setting forth the new rules for my life.

I must say so long

To time wasted on perceived slights and wrongs,

For I am choosing a new way

To live out the rest of my days.

Though my mind is nervous and frightened,

My spirit man is alert and heightened

With the awareness each new day brings

From the Lord, to whom I praise and sing.

Though my life has been turned upside down and rearranged,

I welcome the challenge of the change.

Possibilities and Processes

dream text on green leaves
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By Michael W. Raley

What if we revived dreams

We once deemed dead and gone?

What if we were to  re-open our minds

To the possibilities we so easily dismissed?

Opportunities come in so many different ways,

Through good circumstances and bad,

We often fail to recognize them.

While we have this present moment,

Let us open our hearts to love again.

Though the cities of our minds

May have been raided and destroyed

By events and people,

We can rebuild like Nehemiah and the walls of Jerusalem.

This process will have its ups and downs,

But the results will be well worth the effort.

In the Father’s Arms

What a terrible week!

The Friday after Thanksgiving (11/23), my grandmother passed away after a long illness. We as a family celebrated her life the following Tuesday. My grandmother was a kind, loving, and generous soul whom I will miss dearly. My grandmother’s funeral also marked the first time my wife and family have seen each other since our divorce announcement. Everybody was civil and welcoming  toward each other as we shared in our common grief.

I was informed on Friday that my divorce is final. I’m divorced. I have an ex-wife. I never thought I would utter those phrases. It all sounds so strange to say and hear. Eighteen years of marriage was dissolved sixty-two days after the paperwork was filed. A judge’s signature and a court stamp was all it took. It’s officially over. The time has come to begin the rebuilding process.

I went to church on Sunday and the pastor preached the first in a series on dreams. I  listened intently to the words as they ministered to my spirit. I don’t know where all of this fits into a plan, but it has to be leading to something. Of all things, God used a guinea pig to illustrate His point.

After church, I came home to clean out the cage of  my guinea pig, Bugsy. If you ever had a guinea pig or other rodent for a pet, you know they can sometimes be anxious and jittery animals. As I took Bugsy out of his cage and was transferring him to a box while I cleaned, he came to rest in the bend of my elbow. I stroked the top of Bugsy’s head and told him, “It’s okay, Bugsy, you’re in Daddy’s arms.” Just a simple phrase to comfort a nervous animal brought me a spiritual revelation.

All of us who have a relationship with God are in our Father’s arms. God is holding us tight and comforting us through the trials we face. I don’t understand the reason for some of the trials I’ve faced these last three years, but I know I am not alone. As the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:39, there’s nothing that can separate us from God’s love- not death, not divorce, not sickness, not job loss, nothing. As I go forward with my life and this unexpected journey, I will take comfort in the arms of my Heavenly Father and traveling companion.

 

The Healing Wound

By Michael W. Raley

The wound is still fresh,

Yet, the pain is beginning to diminish.

Since you left, I have learned to cope,

I even found time to build a new foundation of hope.

I have found new ways

To make the most of each day.

My emotions will no longer toss me back and forth on the sea,

For I have made the choice to live for me.