The house has been sold. This house represents seventeen-and-a-half years of memories, but it is now symbolic of a broken home. My ex-wife and I built this house together and that is why staying here was taking a toll on my mental health.
After speaking with family and a few close friends, I decided the best thing to do would be to put the house on the market. The real estate market is hot in my area and my house sold in three days. While cause for celebration, the quick sell accelerated my timeline for finding a new place.
I am happy to be moving and beginning this new journey of my life. I’ll be moving into an apartment for the next year so I can figure out the next steps. I have no problem in living in a smaller space or downsizing my stuff because I’ve learned not to measure my value or success by the things I own.
I never thought I would be starting over at this stage of my life, but here I am. If you think about it, each day gives us a chance to start afresh. While the thought of the additional packing and cleaning wears me out, I am balanced with the expectation of a clean slate. Yes, selling the house does not change the personal circumstances- the divorce, the toll on my mental health, or what the future holds, but this is for the best. I had to do what was best for me.
“Change is the only constant in life.” -Heraclitus
The time has come for me to make a change in my life. After seventeen-and-a-half years, it’s time to move. I don’t like moving. The only thing I dislike just as much as moving is looking for a job. My dislike of moving might be the reason I stayed here so long. However, as I write this, the house will be on the market within the next day.
I have good memories of living in this house, but it has become a painful reminder of loss and struggle. This is the house I built with my ex-wife. I have to make a change for my mental health’s sake. Now begins the transition process. The upcoming weeks are going to be filled with looking at new places, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of, planning a new budget, you know, all the fun adulting stuff.
Believe it or not, I welcome the change. This is the start of a new adventure. I am writing a new chapter in my life. The decision to sell was an easy one. I’ve overstayed my welcome in a bad situation, but I finally realize that I have the power to change it. I was so bound up with depression and grief that I could not see my way out of the situation.
Change is going to come in life, no doubt about it. When change comes, we have to ability to embrace it, and “go with the flow,” or we can be dragged kicking and screaming. I’m tired from the kicking and screaming. I’m ready to follow the stream to see where it goes.
There are as many diet plans as there are people. It seems like there’s always a new trendy diet people are willing to try, whether it’s the Keto diet, the South Beach diet, the Atkins diet, or the Paleo diet, to name a few. There are also people who live a lifestyle of abstaining from certain foods, such as vegans, vegetarians, or people like me, who have to avoid gluten because of my Celiac disease. To go along with all of these diets, there’s the money spent on weight loss programs and gym memberships. Thus, the weight loss industry totals into the tens of billions of dollars annually.
Spring is here and I’m trying to work off the weight gained during another cold Midwestern winter, but I’ve started a different diet. This diet is to increase my peace of mind and my spare time: the social media diet.
I joined the world of social media back in 2010, as a way to connect to out-of-state relatives and catch up with people with whom I lost contact. However, I quickly saw the ugly side of social media. Comment about anything going on in the world and cue the vitriol in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Social media, like anything else, is not bad in of itself, it’s about how it is used. I began to see the irony of how people took a platform meant for connection and turned it into a means of division. There’s no room for moderation because everyone has made up his or her mind.
I was scrolling through weeks ago and asked myself, “What are you doing? What are you looking for? Do you really need to know any of this?” I thought about gradually reducing the amount of time spent on social media, but I’ve decided to stay away. I’ve deleted social media apps from my phone, which saves a lot of memory on your operating system. If I do happen to log on, I put myself on a short timer (like five minutes).
The early results are in and I have to say so far so good. I’ve dedicated more time to reading and being productive around the house. I seem to be more positive, as I am not exposed to negativity and drama first thing in the morning. The best part about it is no politics. I used to enjoy political debate, but since everything these days is a political topic, I have soured on the issue. I believe staying away now will be beneficial with the upcoming 2020 U.S. elections.
I’m not telling anyone to close your social media accounts. If scrolling through Facebook or tweeting is something you enjoy, that’s fine, it’s your life. However, for my own peace of mind, I’ve decided to forge a new lifestyle, which I am enjoying thus far.
I am an introvert and I am okay with it. I am by nature a shy, quiet, and reserved person until I become comfortable with a person, a group, or a social situation. I prefer a quiet Friday night at home or the solitude of a bookstore as opposed to some loud bar or club. However, the “extroverted world” has tried to make it out like there’s something wrong with me or the millions, possibly billions out there like me.
“You have to look out for the quiet ones.”
“Why are you so quiet?”
“You need to come out of your shell.”
“You don’t talk much.”
My introversion not only comes in conflict with everyday life, but also in the business and the fundamental evangelical church worlds. I have been a manager, I have preached sermons, I’ve volunteered to coach a church league basketball team, I went on a mission trip and fulfilled The Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20), but people were still standoffish and not accepting of me.
The place where I struggled the most with my introversion was the church. In my early twenties up to my mid-thirties, my now ex-wife and I attended what is known as a Charismatic church, which believes that the gifts of the New Testament (healing, speaking in tongues,casting out demons, etc.) are still in effect today. If you are unfamiliar with the Charismatic church, it’s along the lines of the Pentecostal/Assemblies of God denominations.
Worship in these “Full Gospel” type of churches can get rowdy, as people jump up and down, wave flags, run around the sanctuary, raise their hands, and so on and so forth. However, I was always very reserved in my demeanor, choosing to worship God on my own terms. I’m not a hooting and hollering person, it’s not who I am. With my old church being around 300 people, others took notice of my demeanor and I received “churchified” statements concerning my introverted nature:
“You got a spirit of fear.”
“You need to be bold.”
“Quit resisting the Spirit.”
Now that I have the advantage of looking back and perspective, I know what I should have said: “If God knew me before He created me (Jeremiah 1:5), wouldn’t He know that I was going to be this way?”Or maybe I should’ve pointed out that Jesus, Moses, David, Elijah, Daniel, and others in Scripture sought out God in solitude and in their own ways. If they didn’t follow the crowd in seeking God, why do I have to? Also, if God accepts you as you are, wouldn’t that include a quiet nature as well?
Please don’t misinterpret, I am not speaking out of bitterness or putting anyone down. I am simply sharing my struggle with who I am. I spent a lot of years worried that there was something wrong with me, like I would not be fully accepted by God or anyone else. I don’t want you to face that same struggle.
As of this post, I am forty-two, divorced, starting over with God in a much larger church, and I am coming to a place of accepting myself. I am who I am. I prefer to share my faith by embodying my faith; I seek to build relationships as opposed to threatening with hell fire. It took me a long, long, time, but I have finally accepted myself just as I am. It may be a contradiction in terms, but I am an introverted Christian. God bless you.
