I Found Peace

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I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with my circumstances. I am at peace with the past and with God.

I didn’t have a mountain top experience nor was it a sudden revelation, I just came to be. A coworker this week mentioned that I have a different look on my face than I had in recent months. I believe my period of mourning has lifted and new life has sprung forth.

I have to say the last six years of my life have been the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. I have detailed these struggles on this blog and I believe this period of darkness inspired some of my best work. If you’re new to the blog, I briefly recap what the last six years has been like- I left a church I had been apart of for fourteen years and the changing spiritual dynamics left me wandering and questioning God. I was hospitalized with anemia,which I found out a year later was caused by Celiac disease. I was laid off from a job, which sent my career in a tailspin. Recurring flare-ups of my Ulcerative Colitis, my nephew’s suicide, my battles with anxiety and depression, and being blindsided by a divorce after eighteen years of marriage.

I was a broken man. My mind, body, and spirit were broken. I felt so hopeless and alone. I know that I wasn’t alone because I had the support of my family and my family of coworkers. I went back to church and joined a men’s group and heard the stories of men who were in my same situation. I sold the house my ex-wife and I built together, which was a burden off of my shoulders and a boost to my mental and financial health.

When I think about my struggles, I’m reminded of two Bible verses, Philippians 4:7 and Romans 8:28. To summarize, Philippians 4:7 discusses a peace that transcends all understanding, while Romans 8:28 talks about how God uses all things to work together for our good. These Scriptures don’t say that everything that happens to us will be good, but we can have a peaceful heart in the worst of times. I memorized Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4:7 when I first became a Christian, but the truth of those verses have really sank into my heart.

At the beginning of the year, I posted about this year being a year of restoration, and it has become that, a period of restoration. Being at peace doesn’t mean that everything has worked out and is resolved like a sitcom, drama or movie. Finding peace means that no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. You’ve made it through previous hard times and you’re going to get through this.

 

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Don’t Believe Everything You Think

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Thousands of thoughts course through our minds each and every day. Some thoughts can be routine, such as What am I going to eat for lunch? or I need to get the car in for an oil change. However, thoughts can be a destructive force when dwell upon the negative, the resentful, and the angry.

I’ll never be successful.

How can anybody love me?

I’m a failure.

How could she do that to me?

I’ll never forgive myself/him/her.

The list goes on and on.

Have you ever found yourself in a thought cycle of negativity? How did you respond? If you suffer from a mental illness such as depression or anxiety, does negativity thinking make it worse? The truth be told, you didn’t gain anything from the negative thoughts other than the loss of an opportunity to enjoy life.

The more you look around the more you notice how society gears us toward the negative. The continuous negativity of the news cycle, the gritty and violent nature of popular entertainment, and even religion, which tells us we are all fundamentally flawed, in combination with our own life circumstances overwhelms us into thinking we will never crawl out of this mental and spiritual abyss.

As a Christian and as someone who lives with depression, anxiety, and multiple chronic illnesses, I find my thoughts swirling down the drain so to speak. I have dealt with thoughts of resentment and anger over circumstances while I fumed at myself for putting myself into that situation. I believe Christ has forgiven me of my sins, but I have a hard time letting go of my mistakes.  My inability to forgive myself is my thought struggle. What’s yours? So, what are some practical ways that we can overcome these constant negative thoughts?

Eliminate the “Woulda, Shoulda, Couldas”

As the cliche goes, “Hindsight is twenty twenty.” Ah,the past. “If I know then what I know now, I would have done this.” “I should’ve seen this coming.” “I could have done it differently. We must understand the past is gone. We can’t do anything about it. Doc Brown and his DeLorean aren’t showing up, neither is Doctor Who and the Tardis. We have to cut ourselves some slack here. We made a decision based on the information we had at the time. If we had different information, yes, we probably would have chosen differently, but that’s not the case. We can only go forward from here.

Focus on what you can control

We can’t pick our circumstances. We can’t manipulate people into doing the right thing according to us. We had no control over the country or family into which we were born. The only thing we can choose is how we respond to the events around us. Our responses can help determine how we overcome the obstacles we face. The best way to dealing with events is to look at what is directly in our control and don’t worry about what is not in our control.

Temper your expectations

There are things in life we just expect or assume to be true. For example, we may believe that life should always treat us fairly. We may believe that people should always do the right thing. We may think that if we dedicate our lives to God, then our lives should be free from pain and suffering. If you have lived for any significant amount of time, we know that we cannot live by these assumptions. Life is not fair. People can’t be counted on to do the right thing because some people’s ideas of right and wrong are different from yours. Finally, following God does not guarantee a bed of roses. Jesus said to take up your cross, not exactly an east feat. Tempering your expectations does not mean to walk around hopeless and cynical, but be realistic in how you view the world and people. If we understand that the best laid plans can go awry, then we are better prepared to handle problems as they arise.

This is not a complete list by far, but I hope this helps you throughout your day. God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday’s Choices

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By Michael W. Raley

“If I had only known then what I know now.”

Oh how this statement keeps us tied down

To regret and our perceived failures of the past.

We go through life lamenting our choices-

Relationships, finances, and spiritual matters to name a few.

However, we fail to realize that we made our decisions

With the information we had at the time,

As hindsight was not available to us.

Even if we knew that we were making a bad choice,

It was still a lesson learned.

A hard lesson,

But we are wiser nonetheless.

As you go forward on this new day,

Realize that today is all you have

And it should not be wasted on yesterday’s choices.

Learn from it, seek forgiveness if needed,

And learn to forgive yourself

Depression is a Storm Cloud

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By Michael W. Raley

Depression is a storm cloud lingering over you,

Waiting to ruin a beautiful sunny day.

Depression is a predator stalking its prey.

You see the predator coming, but you are too paralyzed to move.

Before you know it, you are in the grips of depression,

Struggling to fight,

Struggling to breathe,

Struggling to live.

Depression goes beyond feeling sad,

As it is a battle for the mind, body, and soul.

I have become adept at hiding depression,

But I cannot snap out of it,

I just adapt my day and work around it.

Depression becomes a natural part of the landscape,

Like a tree with deep roots that are intertwined and difficult to remove.

Depression also serves as a highway marker,

Letting you know where you’re at and how far you have come,

While also reminding you that you have many more miles to travel

And many more battles to fight.

We must continue to fight, even on our darkest days,

For we must fight for ourselves, our loved ones, and for our suffering brethren.

 

 

Someone Else’s Bible

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Whenever I go to someone’s home, especially for the first time, I tend to look at their book, music, and film collection. I don’t judge them, I’m looking to understand who they are while trying to find common ground. If the conversation gets slow, I can always interject, “Hey, I noticed you’re a big Spielberg fan.”

I decided in recent weeks to find a new Bible translation. I’ve alternated between the King James and New International Version for twenty years, I just wanted something different. I’ve read some of the New American Standard Bible and I thought I would give that a try.

I contacted a large chain of used book stores in my area to save a few bucks and the Bible was shipped from one store to my local store. I picked up the book, paid for it, and walked out of the store. As I took the book home, I began to look through it and saw the Bible was given as a gift to someone. However, it doesn’t appear to have been used.

When it comes to my Bibles, I write in them, I underline, and make side notes. I’ve always tried to use the Bible as a study tool, something to combat the harsh reality of life. I enjoy studying Scripture and these notes serve as good reference.

I don’t know anything about the lady who received the Bible, and I don’t presume to judge. However, I couldn’t but help wonder about her Bible that I bought. Did she not believe? Did she not like the translations? Did she not believe in writing in books? Did she no longer have a relationship with the person who gave her the Bible and it was a reminder of said relationship?

I’m just reminded of how we attach memories to objects. No matter what it is- a Bible, a dish, a painting, we tend to attribute sentimental value to these objects, almost making them sacred idols in the process. In this case though, this Bible is a sacred object because it is God’s Word, but it was treated like it was just a common book- a previous bestseller sold of for a fraction of what was paid for it.

In my case, the Bible someone else didn’t want has become a blessing to me. To the person who owned the Bible before me, I hope you find happiness and fulfillment.

Drained and Fatigued

By Michael W. Raley

I was going to be productive today,

But my body made other plans.

After a night of rest,

I awoke drained and fatigued,

Only to realize an entire day lies ahead.

Every time I begin to emerge from the pit,

I am thrown back down into the darkness.

I try to stay active and move,

But my joints do not want to cooperate.

I get one of life’s wildfires under control

Only to notice two more are starting.

My deepest, most inner spiritual man cries for help,

Only to be silenced by the oppression of my mind.

I try to remain hopeful and move forward,

Only to have my progress stifled.

However, I will saddle up like a hardened cowboy

And get through this day,

Riding toward the horizon,

Hoping tomorrow will be better.

 

 

Finding Your Balance

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By Michael W. Raley

Life isn’t always fair

And there are times when equal opportunities are rare.

There are those who are born into wealth and privilege,

But since they didn’t earn it, a king’s fortune is squandered.

For those who struggle to exist, this is pure sacrilege.

There are those with obvious talent and skill who waste it,

While there are those who spent their lives wandering,

Searching in the wrong places for fulfillment and meaning.

There are those who spend their lives in a self-imposed cage,

While others seethe with self-righteous indignation and rage.

There are those who walk the well-worn path,

While others seek to blaze a trail.

There are those who will not take a risk unless they do the math,

While others will make a plan only for it to go off the rails.

Somewhere in the midst of these dichotomies

Lies the individual answers, the balance,

For which we seek, knowing that it won’t be easy.

All of us travel with burdens on our backs,

Fighting the night, the cold, and our fear of lack.

However, we must continue our journeys through the dark nights

To find the harmony within our spiritual lights.