The Healing Wound

By Michael W. Raley

The wound is still fresh,

Yet, the pain is beginning to diminish.

Since you left, I have learned to cope,

I even found time to build a new foundation of hope.

I have found new ways

To make the most of each day.

My emotions will no longer toss me back and forth on the sea,

For I have made the choice to live for me.

 

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Hitting Life’s Reset Button

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Electronic devices have changed the way we live, work, communicate, entertain and inform ourselves. However, a tiny glitch, freeze, crash, or virus in our laptop, TV, phone, tablet, or gaming console can temporarily disrupt our lives and cause us frustration. When these issues arise, we can always reboot the device and hope that takes care of the  problem. The manufacturer, knowing the fragility of the devices, provide us a way to reset when problems come up.

Wouldn’t be great if life had a reset button?

No matter what you are facing in life- the death of a love one, a divorce, a chronic sickness, job loss, depression, anxiety, or anything else life throws at us, we have a chance everyday to reset. Though we can’t change what has happened, we are able to change our perspective and response to the problem.

Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” we ask, “What can I learn from this?” What if we were able to look at our difficulties as opportunities for growth? I’ve spent a lot of time in my life bemoaning “woe is me,” and wondering why events happened the way they did. If you are going through that, let me save you some time- that thinking is a dead end street. We always want to look for reasons or try to figure out where our situation fits in with a divine plan, but we are better off moving forward.

Changing our perspective and growing though life’s difficulties involves a lot of work- dirty, sweaty, grimy, yucky work. When we come to that point, we have to examine ourselves and work towards making today better than yesterday. You will have to face some truths about yourself, but you will also discover an inner strength and resolve to face the world.

The work doesn’t have to take years. If you are willing to work at it, you can get through it in a matter of months. You set the pace. In the months since my wife filed for divorce, I have spoken to a therapist, began the process of dealing with my depression and anxiety, I find time to meditate, and I have gone back to church.  I don’t say that to brag, I know I have a long way to go. I am also dealing with chronic health problems as well, which affect my energy and mindset on a daily basis. Every morning I hear the alarm or the dogs whining to go out, I attempt to see the day as a chance to improve upon yesterday.

Thanks and God bless.

My Spontaneous Misadventure

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Photo by Michael Raley

Ever heard the expression,”Go take a hike?” Well, Saturday morning I took that advice to heart. I fixed a bottle of water, put on my hiking boots, grabbed my trusty walking stick, and drove to the park.

I have visited this park probably dozens times over the years along with my wife and our three dogs. This park is maintained beautifully and has numerous paved trails for people to walk and run, but I had to be different.

As I parked my truck and looked at the semi-wooded area in front of me, I thought of a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

I’m going to be a trailblazer.

I set off on my adventure, making my way through brush and tree limbs, crossing the creek in several places.

Then came the end of the line.

The creek serves as a natural boundary between the park and some private property. The “Private Property” and “No Trespassing” signs were my hint to turn around. I consider myself to have a good sense of direction and I followed the creek for a while longer until I decided to go back  to the park.

While crossing the creek again, I slipped and fell in the water. Everything was wet, including my phone. Ugh! I thought this was supposed to be relaxing.

I make my way back up to the land and cross this field. The field ended up being full of thorn bushes. I sucked it up and walked through the field until I came to a clearing. By now, of course my legs look like Freddy Krueger sliced them up.

Now, I am sweaty, wet, dirty, and bloody. What a great adventure!

While I stood in the clearing to catch my breath, I saw a wooden bridge and made my way over there. Turns out it was private property. The elderly gentleman who owned the property was outside. As I start to make my way across the elderly man’s yard, I’m hoping he’s not one of those gun advocates who thinks he’s Clint Eastwood. I don’t want to get shot at. Underneath the elderly man’s truck sat this humongous dog who saw me. At this point, I don’t have the energy to run from this dog. Luckily, the dog didn’t bark or come after me nor did the elderly man say anything to me.

I came out to a two lane country road. I turned left and started hoofing it. My instincts served me well, as I  just knew I was going the right way. I took the country road until it curved into a larger county road. As I walked down the county road, I pulled out my phone, which still worked, and typed “Pioneer Park” into Google Maps. I was only 0.3 miles from the park.

I chose wisely.

I finally get back to the park entrance, where I saw my truck. I drove off and headed for home. My phone is working just fine, I was safe, and heading for home. This little trip filled my adventure quota for a bit.

So my advice if you are ever in that situation, always keep in mind where your destination is and remain calm. Do not panic, remain calm. My hiking adventure served as a metaphor for life as there are many obstacles to face while on the way to your destination. Steady on.

The Distance and The Resistance

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By Michael W. Raley

Continue to go the distance

In spite of the resistance.

You will encounter your share of pain

Along with equal days of sunshine and rain.

There will be body pains and heartaches

To go along with the negativity and the fakes.

Remain the captain of your ship

And do not allow anyone to recalculate the trip.

Why voluntarily surrender your time

To that which does not rhyme

With your life goals and story,

That which will only bring regret and no glory?

Do not allow your time and power be given away

Like a neatly wrapped present on Christmas day.

This life and this time have been allotted to you,

As the Bard wrote,”To thine own self be true.”

Above all with yourself, be patient, employ perseverance and persistence;

No matter what happens, remain unbroken and resilient.

The Soul Rain

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By Michael W. Raley

Into each soul rain must fall

To cleanse us from the everyday toxins,

To wash away our impurities.

Just as the sky and clouds become

Brighter shades of blue and white,

So too are we renewed

When the storm front passes.

The soul rain brings us relief

And helps us to grow.

As we gain another experience,

Whether storm or shower,

We become more aware

Of what we need,

Focusing and refining our desires.

Although there are times

When the rain seems to linger

For far too long,

Just reflect back on the hot and dry days

When no relief was in sight.

Let the rain cleanse you,

O my soul,

For the new day is coming.

I Never Knew My Own Strength

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By Michael W. Raley

I never knew my own strength

Until I came across my greatest foe.

Not a person or cosmic entity,

But my own body.

I live with the chronic sickness and pain

While I strive to live a full life.

I do my best not to complain

And I don’t want to be a burden,

But there are times when it’s too much,

Yet I persevere.

The prayers have stopped

And God remains silent.

I guess it up to me

To gear up and face this enemy,

Which I will, no matter the obstacle,

No matter how I feel.

“Vivere est militare.”

To live is to fight

And fight on I will.

 

Don’t Feed the Trolls

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*https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/heres-happens-confront-internet-troll-face-face/*

First impressions are critical in life and in business.

A good or bad first impression can decide whether or not that date will turn into a relationship, you get the job, join a particular church, or vote for a certain political candidate.

All of us are guilty from time to time of making snap judgments about people and situations. We judge someone’s character just by looking at them. We tune out a song or speech after the first verses or sentences. We don’t like something new because it’s not as good as the original. We overuse such phrases as “It’s the best/worst ever.” After making the determination about someone or something’s value, we look for confirmation bias:

“I got stuck in traffic this morning. I knew it was going to be a bad day.”

After the news is announced that a particular actor was cast in a movie yet to go into production and be released, “That’s going to be terrible. Worst casting choice ever!”

“This country is going to hell in a hand basket. I miss the good ol’ days.”

What if I told you that you can manage your impressions and starve your inner troll at the same time? You can. Everyone of us has the ability to control our responses to any situation. As individuals, we have the right to think for ourselves, thus we can move away from doctrine, party, and the same talking points which are never convert your opponent anyway.

I am a firm believer that life is fraught with difficulties and we should anticipate problems, but we should not live in fear of them. What if we were to take a few moments to step aside and assess the situation? You received a bad diagnosis from the doctor? You can always seek a second opinion. You can examine your life and make changes concerning your health. In the case of a terminal issue, you can even make the most of the time you have left.

In Epictetus’ The Art of Living, the Stoic philosopher discusses how our view of situations, including death, can be more damaging than the situation itself:

“Things themselves don’t hurt or hinder us. Nor do other people. How we view these things is another matter. It is our attitudes and reactions that give us trouble. Therefore even death is no big deal in and of itself. It is our notion of death, our idea that it is terrible, that terrifies us. There are so many different ways to think about death. Scrutinize your notions about death- and everything else. Are they really true? Are they doing you any good? Don’t dread death or pain; dread the fear of death or pain. We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” (italics mine).*

When the alarm goes off to signal a new day, don’t sigh or allow yourself to be filled with dread, because you’ve been given a second chance. Take the time to talk to the person you dismissed and maybe you’ll find some common ground or become friends. In order to manage our impressions, we must be fluid and adaptable to whatever comes our way. Don’t expect to have the same beliefs at forty that you did at twenty. As we experience more of life, the more knowledge and wisdom we attain in order to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. We must also realize that life is not all bad and it’s not all good, as there will be difficulty. Change your perception of the situation and you will chance your response to said situation. And please, stop feeding the trolls. God bless.

*Epictetus, The Art of Living, interpreted by Sharon Lebell. San Francisco: Harper Collins (1995): 10.