The Wave of Depression

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By Michael W. Raley

The wave of depression overwhelms me,

Casting me down to the ground.

I know today’s not going to be my day.

I’ll put on the brave face

And go through the day

Like an ox plowing a field,

Except I won’t break any new ground.

This wave is not an everyday occurrence,

But it has tendency to stick around

Longer than it needs to stay.

I know deep down that I choose my response,

Yet, snapping out of it is not easy.

As I live my life day to day,

I learn the lessons of defeat

Along side the sweet savor of the victories.

The wave may be at high tide today,

But even the strongest forces of nature subside in time.

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The Loneliness Strikes at Night

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By Michael W. Raley

The loneliness strikes at night,

Right before time to go to sleep.

I don’t want to be alone,

So I try to put off the inevitable.

I stay up, fighting the loneliness until I’m exhausted,

Before finally going to sleep.

The next battle is trying to stay asleep,

As I toss and turn in weariness.

I wake up just as exhausted

As when I went to bed.

This house is just too big and too quiet

Without you here.

I’m over the heartbreak,

I have yet to adjust to sleeping alone.

Where I used to reach out and hold you,

I now grasp at the empty space.

Self-Imposed Chains

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By Michael W. Raley

I failed to recognize my chains

Until I was set free,

Empowered by the knowledge

That I held the key.

At any time,

I could’ve walked away

And not resided in that prison

For another wasted day.

Ignorance is not bliss

When you think about your life,

The opportunities and joys missed

When we are embittered and in bondage

To things present, things future, and things past.

We fill ourselves with complaint and outrage

And wonder why the good times didn’t last.

We fume about things out of our control

And bicker about the politics and melodrama

Never realizing the toll

This takes on our energy and our spirits.

My brother, my sister, my friend,

It is not too late to change the story,

You are the writer who can change the end

And begin to enjoy this one live you’ve been given.

Anger

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By Michael W. Raley

My anger, like the sun,

Rises slowly over the horizon

Penetrating the inner darkness.

No matter the situation,

The anger goads me,

Asking accusing question after accusing question

Until I respond in rage

And say what I’ve been hiding under the surface.

I know it’s not right and that I am better than this,

Yet, I pacify the anger instead of putting it away.

I have only so many cheeks to turn

And only so much humble pie I can eat.

No matter how hard I try,

No matter how much I pray,

No matter how much I change,

The anger grows back like a weed

And I am back to square one.

Betrayal

By Michael W. Raley

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I thought I understood the depths of pain,

Until I learned of your betrayal.

Everything we worked for,

Our hopes, our dreams, our history,

Was eradicated with a handful of bad decisions.

I am far from perfect,

But I never thought this would happen.

We don’t deserve this.

I always thought we would be the couple

Who would defy the odds and always stay together,

Alas, it was not meant to be.

I gave you the best years of my life

And I stayed when things went dark

Because I believed not only in you,

But in the person I believed you could be.

Somewhere along the way,

I have failed you and I am sorry.

I worked my hardest and did my best

To build you the life you wanted.

I know there were goals we never reached,

Yet, I was willing to make the best of it with you.

Although I didn’t have the means

To give you everything you wanted,

I gave you the best of me.

I realize now after all these years it wasn’t good enough

Because you no longer want me.

The Problems of Evil, Suffering, and Belief

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The problems of evil and suffering have long been used critics of The Bible to argue against the existence of an Omnipotent, or all-powerful God. In recent years, I have become very skeptical of the mental gymnastics required to ignore this problem. If we were to be intellectually honest with ourselves, I believe we would have some major doubts about our religious worldviews.

I know many times I have accepted my suffering as “part of God’s plan,” because “God has something great” for me. If no one had an explanation, then the standard responses are, “God’s ways are above our ways,” or “We’ll have all of the answers when we get to heaven.” I’m sorry, but that is no longer good enough for me. The story of Adam and Eve’s fall in the Garden of Eden is not a sufficient explanation when examined logically.

Besides being Omnipotent, Christians believe God to be Omniscient,or all-knowing. If God, with one glance of his eyes can see across all history and time, then why do we have the Garden of Eden story?

*God creates the angel Lucifer knowing that he will lead a rebellion and will be cast out of heaven with one-third of the angels.

*God creates a paradise, but with the proviso of a forbidden tree, which will keep Adam and Eve in perpetual ignorance if they stay away from it.

*So if Lucifer wasn’t created and the forbidden tree wasn’t put in the garden, then the talking snake would not have convinced Adam and Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, which caused the fall of humanity.

*The all-powerful God could have dealt with sin and Satan right then and there, restored everything, hence there would have been no need for a worldwide flood, the sacrifice of Christ, or the need for a Second Coming of Christ to finally vanquish Satan and his minions.

*The idea that my suffering, your suffering, and the suffering of untold billions is due solely to the fact a talking snake convinced two people to eat a piece of fruit does not hold up upon further review. If your great-grandfather robbed a bank in 1925, decades before you were born and the police show up at your door to arrest you for your great-grandfather’s crime and throw you in prison, that would be ludicrious.

Let’s take another biblical example of innocent people suffering because of one person’s actions. If you are a reader of The Bible, no doubt you are familiar with the Exodus story of Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Moses, on behalf of God, goes before Pharaoh to “Let my people go.”

However, Pharaoh refuses and God sends plagues on Egypt, which included the Nile River turning to blood, flies, boils, darkness, etc, which culminated with the death of every first born child in the land of Egypt. On the surface of the story, Pharaoh seems to be a very stubborn person who will allow innocent people to suffer over the fate of slaves. However, The Bible states in Exodus 4:21, 7:3, 9:12,11:9, and 14:8, that it was God who hardened Pharaoh’s heart, which brought on the plagues, which brought on the suffering of Egyptians not involved with Moses or Pharaoh. Why didn’t God just deal directly with Pharaoh? In fact the Exodus story doesn’t mention any direct punishment Pharaoh received due to his actions against God’s people, but innocent people suffered because of the stubbornness God put on Pharaoh.

Isaiah 45:7 states, “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.” (KJV).

Isaiah 45:7 is a verse used by theologians and apologists to describe evil as “natural evil,” such as earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanic eruptions, and the like. God can use this kind of “evil” for his purpose to bring healing to a community or country, for which the disaster can be used “for his glory.” I believe this begs the question, why does God have to use suffering in order for people to pay attention to him? Why did God allow Job to suffer so much, yet give him no explanation? It was God, after all, who put the limits on Job’s suffering. If God is all-powerful, then can’t he simply manifest himself in a definitive way?

I am not belittling anyone’s faith and I am not saying you should or shouldn’t believe in God. However, if we are to base our lives and possible eternities on beliefs laid out in ancient texts, can we still apply logic and reason to what we believe? Is it still viable in our modern world to question the advances of science and society in order to hold onto a book that insists the world was created in six days, slavery is allowed, women are to be treated as property, and genocide is encouraged? We must examine the heart of these issues and what we believe. We have been given the gifts of logic, reason, free thought, and common sense let us use them to the best of our abilities. I will leave you with a quote from the 4th/3rd Century BC Greek philosopher Epicurus:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. If he is able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

A Monday Morning Reflection

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As I write this, another Monday has sneaked up on us. For many of us, Monday marks the start of a new work week or another week of school. Ugggh! Right?

I know the feeling of those “Sunday night blues,” that feeling of dread that hits you in the pit of your stomach. I can’t begin to tell you how my overall mood changes. A large clock begins to tick, counting down the hours and minutes of freedom left before the grind starts over again. Does it really have to be that way? Monday, like the other six days, are just dates on a calendar, as we are the ones who assign meanings to the days.

However, I am trying to battle the dread of the upcoming day. I am making progress, slowly, but surely. The lesson I’ve learned is that I cannot sacrifice today’s peace of mind and the joy of the present moment worrying about what might happen tomorrow. For each today we sacrifice worrying about tomorrow will turn into weeks, months, and years of lost potential moments of joy.

From the date of my birth to this post, I have lived 15,178 days. If I were to divide that number of days by 7, that’s approximately 2,168 Mondays that I have survived. More than likely I will survive this Monday. I made it to another Monday! I am learning to view each day as a gift and a chance for me to be better than I was yesterday.

As you hear the ring or buzz of the alarm, the dripping of the coffee pot, and the sounds of traffic, just remember how blessed you are to wake up to those sounds. More importantly, remember that the response to the day and its events are up to you. There are a limited number of days that we get on this planet, so let us make the best of each one of them.