Confidence Outside the Comfort Zone

“You have to get out of your comfort zone” is an expression we’ve heard from motivational speakers, pastors, business leaders, celebrities, and probably the people in our lives. In order to live the life we’re supposed to live, conventional wisdom says, we must break free of the monotony and hum-drum of simply existing and push ourselves beyond what we know. Easier said than done. The moment we dare stick a toe outside of the comfort zone, we can be greeted by fear, anxiety, depression, others telling us to turn back, failure, frustration, among other issues. It appears that our trip outside of the comfort zone has turned into an episode of The Twilight Zone.

I don’t tell these stories to be boastful or proud, I just want to help others in a similar situation. Three years ago I created this blog, which was a step outside of the comfort zone. I’ve always wanted to write but I was too shy to share my writing outside of my inner circle. I thought, “Do I have anything to say?” “What would I say?” “Would anyone read it?”

One Saturday morning in October 2014, I on a lark, did a search for free blogs and came across WordPress. I followed the setup process and published my first blog, which was on “The Sacrifice of Praise.” Three years and as of this post, 156 articles later, I am still humbled by every view, every follower, everyone who has commented, thank you all so much for helping me find my voice as a writer.

Nine-and-a-half months ago I took another journey, this one farther out of the comfort zone than I’ve ever been. I found myself laid off at the end of 2015 and was unemployed for three months. I took a job which paid a lot less money, but I was back to work. I later left that job for another one, which eventually paid more money.  I was thankful for the work, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

I found myself nearing forty in a mid-career and a seemingly in the start of a mid-life crisis. I was also dealing with the compounded stress of my health, my wife’s health, a family tragedy, and crisis of faith. Perfect time to step out of the comfort zone, right? So after months of going back and forth, I decided to go back to school- this time for Information Technology, something for which I had no previous background.

I wish I could say it had a Hollywood ending, but it didn’t. Going to school and working six days a week presented a monumental struggle. There were times that I wanted to quit both school and the job. Living as a hermit in the woods appealed to me. I stuck with it and was able to earn several certifications and I have the opportunity to go back and retest for the ones I missed.

As of posting this, I graduated yesterday, and breathed a sigh of relief. As I received my certificate, I shook hands with school administrators and instructors. I don’t think that I will forget the words of my instructor, who said, “Way to keep working.”  I am now an Information Technology Systems Administrator. By God’s grace and the support of family and friends, I completed my journey out of the comfort zone, which involved a lot of  hard work and sacrifice, but I am thankful for the journey. I believe the most important thing I have gained during these last nine-and-a-half months is self-confidence. Self-confidence should not be confused with arrogance or pride, for we must have confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we can sail into the contrary winds. There’s always the possibility of failure, but we can’t let that stop us. We must persist. God has gifted everyone with a toolbox of talents, but we must use the tools. I proved to myself that I am able to take on new challenges and not allow age or circumstances affect my goal.

If we are going to step out of the comfort zone, we must do the work and put in the time, because we can’t be passive-minded and hope for things to work out. There will be resistance, but you must keep going forward. There will be bumps and bruises, there may even be a scar or two, but the journey will be worth it. No one can take it away from you. No one will be able to say that you couldn’t do it. God bless you all.

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Change the Perception of Failure

The word failure elicits harsh and judgmental responses in our collective hearts and minds. Failure is often seen as a scarlet letter which unfairly negates all of a person’s accomplishments and deems others unworthy of success. “Failure is not an option” and “Second place is the first loser” are examples of how failure is perceived by some.

The very thought of failure to some can bring about great pressure and anxiety, whether from inside or outside influence. If the person does fail, then they may slide into a deep depression, maybe into hopeless despair. However, what if we could change our view of failure by changing our perception of success?

As a society, we have come to believe that successful people have “the Midas touch,” where everything they do turns to gold. However, that’s not the case, as many successful people have failed at some point in their lives. Some famous examples include Michael Jordan being cut from his high school basketball team. Abraham Lincoln lost multiple elections before becoming U.S. President. Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company he co-founded, only to come back and build it back to what it is today. It is said that Vincent Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime.

If you have ever failed, consider yourself in good company. The world’s most celebrated singers, writers, actors, preachers, salespeople, leaders, inventors-among others have failed. What if we were view failure as part of life, like getting older or even death? There will be times in life when relationships, careers and opportunities won’t go according to plan and we are forced to reassess, maybe even rebuild. Don’t be afraid to start over. Don’t worry about what others think because you can’t control that. You will face critics no matter if you succeed or fail. As long as breath and blood are flowing through your body, it’s not too late. I will share with you some of my favorite quotes on failure.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill.

“He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure.” -James Allen.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” -Colin Powell.

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”- Michael Jordan.

“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.” – B.F. Skinner.

“Without failure there is no achievement.” -John Maxwell.

“Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.”- Napoleon Hill.

“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”-Bill Gates.

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret, and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.”- Swami Sivananda.

Close Your Eyes and Breathe

By Michael W. Raley

Before the coffee begins to brew,

The thoughts come rushing in:

“You need to do this today.”

“You have to do this too.”

“Don’t forget about this.”

“You have to do this on Friday.”

“You’ve been putting this off.”

“You’re out of this, you need to get it today.”

“You should have started the day earlier.”

The list grows well beyond what I planned.

Stop!

Close your eyes and breathe.

Come back to this moment.

Close the mental browsers that don’t need to be open.

Step back and reason through this.

Focus on one and only one task,

Then move on to the next task.

Gradual momentum and gradual goals,

Just as you would read a book:

Words become sentences, sentences become paragraphs, then pages, then chapters,

Then the book will be finished and will be on the shelf with the other finished books.

 

 

 

 

Be a Force for Love

By Michael W. Raley

Evil exists in the world.

However, that is not an excuse

For it to dwell in you.

Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated

Into following the aimless herd.

You have been gifted with logic and reason.

Therefore, open up the gifts and put them to use.

Don’t join the angry mob,

But be a force for love.

Bitterness and hate are the caustic acids

Which will eat away at even the most docile soul,

Only to leave you in the pit of despair and regret.

Your time is limited and may run out any day,

So why choose to live in constant anger and seething rage?

Be a force for love.

We are all God’s children

And we must embrace every brother and every sister

Who comes our way each and every day.

The earth will remain,

But we will soon be gone.

Keep this thought in mind

In all you say, do, and think.

Go and live in peace.

Be a force for love.

 

 

The First Step

By Michael W. Raley

The first step is the hardest one to take

As the anxiety and fear make your body shake.

Your journey cannot and will not begin

If you are consumed with how it will end.

The greatest heartbreak

Is regretting the chance you didn’t take.

Life can be different, even grand

If you would pull your head out of the sand.

You alone have the power to choose.

You have nothing to lose.

So what if the venture doesn’t work out?

There are still options and new routes.

Shake off the naysayers, the fear, and the past-

Choose this day to live as if it were your last.

Live deliberately and give thought to your ways

As you begin the new journey called today.

 

Stuck

By Michael W. Raley

I have gone too far to turn back,

But I am too paralyzed to go forward.

I’m stuck.

Stuck in the mud that feels like wet, drying concrete.

As I try to lift my legs,

The burdens on my shoulders are making me sink further down.

My chest tightens from anxiety,

But I refuse to be broken.

I see it! A fallen branch.

If I could just get there.

This is not how it will end.

I muster the strength to pull up my left leg.

There goes a shoe.

I pull up my right leg,

There goes the other shoe.

I drudge forward with all I have,

Willing my way through the muck and mire

Until I grab a hold of the branch

And pull myself up out of the mud.

I use the branch as a balance beam and slowly

Make my way over my former prison.

I am covered in filth but free and unstuck.

 

Psalm 13: How Long, Lord?

Albert Einstein theorized that time is a relative concept. Whether time moves fast or slow is a matter of perception. Children cannot wait to become adults in order to achieve independence.  The eighteen years in between our birth and adulthood may as well be a 1000 years for as slow as time moves. However, as we age, time seems to speed up. You hear a classic song or re-watch a favorite movie and you remember how old you were when you first heard it or watched it. You shake your head in disbelief at how fast time has come and gone.

Perhaps nothing slows down time like a severe trial or test of our faith. No matter the trial- the unexpected death of a loved one, a broken relationship, sickness, job loss, an avalanche of debt- life can sneak up on us or just walk up to us and punch us in the stomach. Once we are in the trial, we in essence become frozen in time, as the trial and pain slowly consume our lives and thoughts. The discouragement gives way to the depression; the depression makes way for the despair; the despair evicts the last tenants of hope and faith.

HOW LONG, LORD?

How long, Lord? If you have ever asked God this question, did you get a response? Probably not. Believe it or not, you are not alone in asking this question. David was many things in his life- giant killer, warrior, king, prophet, shepherd, poet, musician, and a man like us who had his character flaws.

Although Psalm 13 gives us no context of the trial David was facing, it is clear David begins the Psalm in utter despair and is accepting defeat:

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

And my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fall.”

(Psalm 13:1-4, NIV).

David’s words are of a desperate man in a desperate situation. David is essentially saying, “God, if you don’t do something, I might as well lay down and die.” It seems that God is silent in the midst of our trials. When we seek God for answers and He does not respond, we are left alone in our thoughts. Our thoughts will run wild like a caged animal who has escaped its pen. We begin to question everything we believe about God and we begin to feel as if our flaws are beyond redemption and we sink into the depths of despair.

However, between verses 4 and 5, David experiences a turning point and the Psalm pivots back to hope and praise.

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” (Psalm 13:5-6, NIV).

It is difficult for us to see past the pain of our current situation. We look at the immediate failures and forget the past victories. We forget that we have the proper tools to demolish our obstacle and rebuild the foundations stronger than ever.

Faith, like our bodies, must be exercised to reach our full potential. When we lift weights, our muscles become sore because we have broken them down. However, our bodies are designed to rebuild itself after injury. When we go back to the weight room, our muscles will be better equipped to handle more weight than before. Trials, in the same way, can strengthen our spirits and make us stronger.

Psalm 13 does not give us an indication of how long it took David to come back to himself, but it probably took time. How long will it take you? Are you willing to allow this giant trial to mock you night and day as Goliath taunted the Israelite army? Are you willing to look back at what worked and what you have overcame to get to this point? Are you willing to accept the fact that the length of your trial is completely out of your control? Are you willing to look at your faith and trial in a realistic and pragmatic manner? Remember, David took down a giant with a slingshot and a well-placed rock. You got this.God bless you all.