The Power of Acceptance


Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” – William James1

It is what it is,” is a popular American saying, which means “accept it because there’s nothing you can do about it.” While in the moment the expression sounds like a cop out of resignation, but within this cliché is a nugget of wisdom.

There is power in acceptance. Acceptance helps you come to terms with what happens in life, no matter if it is death of a loved one, divorce, job loss, or our own looming mortality. Acceptance allows us to grow. For example, I am perfectly fine with the man I am at forty-one and I do not grieve about not being the man I was at twenty-one. I have come to embrace who I am and what I have been through in this life. However, this does not mean that I have liked everything that has happened,but I have used these building blocks of character to form the foundation of who I am today.

Acceptance can also help bring us peace of mind and process life’s events, as my favorite philosopher, Epictetus, put it succinctly: “Don’t demand or expect that events happen as you would wish them to. Accept events as they actually happen. That way peace is possible.”2

In fact, Epictetus put down a good foundation for us to follow concerning the power of acceptance.

Manage your expectations

Circumstances do not rise to meet our expectations. Events happen as they do. People behave as they are. Embrace what you actually get.”3

Be weary of attachments

Open your eyes: Seeing things for what they really are, thereby sparing yourself the pain of false attachments and avoidable devestation. Think about what delights you- the tools on which you depend, the people whom you cherish. But remember that they have their own distinct character, which is quite a separate matter from how we happen to regard them.”4

Attitude goes a long way

When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it; you can either accept it or resent it.”5

Manage your perceptions and judgments

What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance. Stopscaring yourself with impetuous notions, with your reactive impressions of the way things are! Things and people are not what we wish them to be nor what they seem to be. They are what they are.”6

Life will never be perfect and as Epictetus pointed out, will turn out according to our expectations. One of the most important lessons I have learned is to be happy with who I am. Don’t waste your time trying to make everyone happy, because you won’t. You are the one who lives this life with your mind, your perceptions, your experiences, your genetic makeup, and the consequences of your choices.Therefore, embrace this life because it is the only life we get. God bless you.

2Epictetus, The Art of Living, A new interpretation by Sharon Lebell. San Francisco: Harper Collins (1994): 15.

3Ibid, 7.

4Ibid, 7.

5Ibid, 7.

6Ibid, 7-8.


What are You going to do about it?


I’ve spent a lot of my life being angry- at myself, the condition of the world, unanswered prayers, disappointment, poor stress management, and seemingly hopeless situations. Anger is also a by-product and symptom of such things as depression, grief, illness, trauma, and the everyday frustrations of being an adult.

Anger is viewed as a destructive force which will eat away at us and rob us of any joy, as these quotes testifty:

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”-Buddha.

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“When anger arises, think of the consequences.” -Confucius.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain.

When our anger becomes apparent to those around us, the question becomes Why are you so angry?

Sometimes we’ll spout off some surface answer, such as:

“I hate my job.”

“My boss is a jerk.”

“My kids won’t act right.”

“Politician X or party Y are ruining this country.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to pay these bills.”

“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

However, what if in our attempt to figure out the cause of our anger, we are asking the wrong question? What if instead of asking, “Why am I angry?” we should ask ourselves, “You’re angry, now, what are you going to do about it?

***Disclaimer- this question does not imply that you bring harm to yourself or someone else. If that’s the conclusion you come to, then please seek qualified professional help.***

If we can ask ourselves about what we are going to do about the situation, we can reason through the situation. This reasoning can take time, as it depends on how much work someone is willing to go through to resolve the issue.

After asking yourself what are you going to do, ask yourself this question:

Is any part of this situation in my control? If yes, then implent change. If not, then realize the only things you can control are your responses, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and perceptions.

Let’s use the example of the fact you dislike your job and your boss. How can we better handle the situation better and  not be so angry?

-We could be thankful to have a job because some people don’t have jobs.

-We can be emphathetic to our boss because maybe he or she is under a lot of stress.

-If the situation becomes unbearable, we can speak to our boss about the issue. If talking doesn’t resolve it, then we can go to a higher corporate authority.

-We can ask our boss or coworkers if they need help with anything to ease their stress.

-We go to work and focus on our job and not worry about the stress around us.

-We can always search for another job or try to transfer to a different department.

-We could pursue a more fulfilling career.

-We could be in a state of prayerfulness or mindfulness concerning our attitude and responses.

This is just one simplified example, but I believe that any stressful situation is not worth our peace of mind and we must step back to get back on track. If you want to pursue a lifestyle change, then you must put in the time to change. Seek wisdom and find the inspiration within yourself. God bless.

Since Hypocrisy Abounds



By Michael W. Raley

Since hypocrisy abounds,

Let us check to ensure

That the love we profess for others is genuine

And not lip service to a self-righteous high ground.

For I too have been numbered with the hypocrites

And it is not a pleasant truth to face:

When you demand to be right at any costs,

You have hindered true compassion and grace.

I see my ugly flaws,

As they are in plain view.

I must work on myself

Before I should give any advice to you.

Before you speak, give yourself pause

And think about what you will do and say.

Consider the cause

Search your soul and consider your ways.

Balance Out the Extremes

As a music lover, I believe that few things can stir the soul like the sound of an orchestra. All of the musicians and instruments can stand out while at the same time achieve a harmonious sound. There are no words needed to convey the emotions because they come across in the music. We must not allow ourselves to focus solely on the violins or cellos, for we will not hear the majesty of the horns or the whimsy of the woodwinds. The beauty of the orchestra is in the balance of everything coming together. I believe that in life, we too must find this harmonious balance.

I believe on important way to find our balance is to cut out the extremes in our thoughts, faith, actions, and interactions with others. As science and technology has progressed, there is something still in humans that keeps us in this territorial mindset, where we believe our group and our group alone is right. Though we are individuals, we seek community, often with like-minded people, because it makes us feel safe and comfortable. However, if we seek only people and groups who look like us, think like us, and talk like us, we will lose the chance to become part of the larger community.

When we insulate ourselves in this fundamentalist or extremist  “group thinking,” we will become ignorant and fearful of the world around us. People who don’t live like “us” are often perceived as a threat to our way of life, and a persecuted mindset takes hold. This line of thinking, unfortunately, leads only to more hate, suffering, and outright discrimination, which only sends us back as a society.

Have you ever stopped to realize that the person or group of people you distrust or fear- often based on superficial reasons such as skin color, orientation, religion, political affiliation, age, income, or anything else- simply wants the same thing you do? These people seek to live their lives in freedom, without having to face fear, bigotry, judgment, or persecution. What if we focused our time on being the best person we could be and not worry about trying to mold our neighbor into who we want them to be? What if we would be deliberate and pragmatic in solving the problems we face? What if we would shed all of these labels and see each other for who we are? That would be a start to finding the balance in the middle of the extremes.

A Morning Musing

What happened to the fine art of the civilized conversation? When did eloquence, reason, and logic take a backseat to emotion?

Most people today seem content to stand at the fringe of their ideological extreme, with only the sole intention of either crushing or converting their opposition; No middle ground will be sought. Both sides will declare victory, though nothing will be accomplished. When an event takes place and a “national dialogue” is started, the same rhetoric is heard over and over.

How can anyone listen when everybody is screaming at each other? To quote an old movie line, “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” I believe that we have allowed others to control the conversations and we keep having these same conversations again and again. Rarely do we go beyond the headline, the social media post, or what gets repeated and eventually accepted as truth.

How much longer can we afford to be shamelessly pandered to and patronized by political propaganda? How many times have you heard these same generalized promises with no results? If we continue to allow the same institutions and politicians to stir up the same old prejudices and reopen closing wounds, then how can we truly make progress as men, women, and as society?

If we seek to change society, then we must first change ourselves. We must enlighten and educate ourselves, as we cannot rely on others to do it. If we allow others to be our sole source of education, then we will fall victim to their agenda. Do not simply accept what you hear, search out the truth. Do not allow negative emotions to dictate your position nor go for the low hanging fruit that is being dangled in front of you. Nothing will change the past- it’s over, that’s why it’s called the past. Make the most of the present time you have and make today the best it could be. Be wise and discerning of everything you hear and see. Search out the truth will all of your heart, mind, and soul. God bless you.





Romans 12: Love in Action

Perhaps the two most famous biblical passages on love are John 3:16 and 1 Corinthians 13. John 3:16 shows us the extent of God’s love for us, while 1 Corinthians 13 gives us the true and ideal path of love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV).

Love and relationships are hard work and take time. A relationship is two imperfect people trying to build the perfect life together coupled with stresses and storms of life. If you have fallen short of what the Apostle Paul put forth concerning love, don’t fret or despair. Every one of us has fallen short, but while we live, we can work to improve the depth of our love and relationships.

In Romans chapter 12, the Apostle Paul show’s us the application of love regarding our relationships to God, ourselves, and those around us. (I will simply cite the idea of the verse, as opposed to listing long passages of Scripture).

Our Relationship with God

*We are to be living sacrifices for God (Romans 12:1).

*We are called to renew our minds and discover God’s will for our lives (Romans 12:2).

*We are called to serve God with a spiritual fervor while being examples of service, faithfulness and hospitality. (Romans 12:11-14).

Our Relationship with ourselves

*We must exercise humility (Romans 12:3; 12:16b).

*If someone does us wrong, we must not be consumed with revenge, for God will deal with them (Romans 12:17-20).

Our Relationships with others

*Recognize that we are all children of God, but we are not gifted in the same ways (Romans 12:4-8).

*Our love must be of sincere devotion, despising evil and esteeming others above ourselves (Romans 12:9-10).

*We are called to serve others during good times and bad times, no matter their position in life (Romans 12:15-16a).

*We are to overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21).

We can take away three keys to being a more loving and graceful person:

(1) Introspection. When we see how far we have fallen short, we can come to God’s grace and accept His everlasting love. Our response will become to share the love we have been given. 

(2) We must change our “programming pattern.” Our thoughts, judgments, and perceptions are well within our control, but we allow ourselves to be influenced by the world’s negativity. Think of your mind as a computer. When we don’t change our thinking, we are allowing someone else to write our programming and operating system. 

(3) We must become more empathetic to others. We must recognize that everyone, no matter how they live their life, their politics, their skin color, social status, or nationality, deserves to be loved. We must be willing, as the old saying goes, to put ourselves in their shoes and help them through this life.

We are called to love and serve others. The time has come for us to quit tearing each other down and begin the rebuilding process. God bless you all.



Be a Force for Love

By Michael W. Raley

Evil exists in the world.

However, that is not an excuse

For it to dwell in you.

Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated

Into following the aimless herd.

You have been gifted with logic and reason.

Therefore, open up the gifts and put them to use.

Don’t join the angry mob,

But be a force for love.

Bitterness and hate are the caustic acids

Which will eat away at even the most docile soul,

Only to leave you in the pit of despair and regret.

Your time is limited and may run out any day,

So why choose to live in constant anger and seething rage?

Be a force for love.

We are all God’s children

And we must embrace every brother and every sister

Who comes our way each and every day.

The earth will remain,

But we will soon be gone.

Keep this thought in mind

In all you say, do, and think.

Go and live in peace.

Be a force for love.