The Rising and the Wonder

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By Michael W. Raley

Dare I say that hope is rising in my spirit?

For the first time in a long time,

I am living with a sense of wonder-

Wonder of God, wonder of life, and the possibility of love.

I recognize the new opportunity,

However, I am slightly guarded, yet optimistic.

I never thought I would be here,

Especially after all of the hopeless and dark days.

Today is an opportunity for a reset

And I will embrace this moment.

 

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The Challenge of the Change

By Michael W. Raley

I took a leap of faith

And landed flat on my face.

However, I don’t have time to mourn my fate

Because I have to finish this race.

I cannot afford to remain

Mentally sick and frail,

Bound up with pain,

For I’m setting out on a new trail.

I am shutting down the negativity and the strife,

While setting forth the new rules for my life.

I must say so long

To time wasted on perceived slights and wrongs,

For I am choosing a new way

To live out the rest of my days.

Though my mind is nervous and frightened,

My spirit man is alert and heightened

With the awareness each new day brings

From the Lord, to whom I praise and sing.

Though my life has been turned upside down and rearranged,

I welcome the challenge of the change.

Possibilities and Processes

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By Michael W. Raley

What if we revived dreams

We once deemed dead and gone?

What if we were to  re-open our minds

To the possibilities we so easily dismissed?

Opportunities come in so many different ways,

Through good circumstances and bad,

We often fail to recognize them.

While we have this present moment,

Let us open our hearts to love again.

Though the cities of our minds

May have been raided and destroyed

By events and people,

We can rebuild like Nehemiah and the walls of Jerusalem.

This process will have its ups and downs,

But the results will be well worth the effort.

That Used Feeling

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How do you get over the feeling of being used?

After you devoted years of your life, time, energy, money, a listening ear, friendship, the other party- the spouse who has filed for divorce, the downsizing employer, the friend who betrayed you- inform you that your services are no longer needed. Where do you go from there?

When it comes to matters of business, such as being laid off or being forced into early retirement, that’s just the reality of the business world. To quote from the classic movie, The Godfather, “It’s not personal, it’s strictly business.”

However, when it comes to interpersonal relationships- marriage, long-term dating, friendship, family, how do you get over that feeling of being used when the relationship sours? How can you build trust with anyone else? As the finalization of my divorce looms, I’ve had to battle this feeling of being used. I know that’s not truly the case and deep down, I am battling a false perception, which I must overcome. False perception or not, my heart still stings.

As I write this, I am forty-one years old and twenty of those years- two years of dating and eighteen of marriage have been intertwined with someone else. Two lives became one and now they are two separate lives. I know I did everything I could to make it work and only reluctantly agreed to a divorce, but the hurt remains. These twenty years weren’t all bad, as there are many great memories, laughs, and good times, yet here I am alone.

I know that divorce is a process. I have made strides and I am reconnecting with God. My family has also been a great source of strength during this time. I know as the time passes, I will right my perceptions. This shock wave will subside and I will move on with my life. This situation has truly rocked me to the core. I never thought I would be here.

 

Self-Imposed Chains

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By Michael W. Raley

I failed to recognize my chains

Until I was set free,

Empowered by the knowledge

That I held the key.

At any time,

I could’ve walked away

And not resided in that prison

For another wasted day.

Ignorance is not bliss

When you think about your life,

The opportunities and joys missed

When we are embittered and in bondage

To things present, things future, and things past.

We fill ourselves with complaint and outrage

And wonder why the good times didn’t last.

We fume about things out of our control

And bicker about the politics and melodrama

Never realizing the toll

This takes on our energy and our spirits.

My brother, my sister, my friend,

It is not too late to change the story,

You are the writer who can change the end

And begin to enjoy this one live you’ve been given.

Hitting Life’s Reset Button

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Electronic devices have changed the way we live, work, communicate, entertain and inform ourselves. However, a tiny glitch, freeze, crash, or virus in our laptop, TV, phone, tablet, or gaming console can temporarily disrupt our lives and cause us frustration. When these issues arise, we can always reboot the device and hope that takes care of the  problem. The manufacturer, knowing the fragility of the devices, provide us a way to reset when problems come up.

Wouldn’t be great if life had a reset button?

No matter what you are facing in life- the death of a love one, a divorce, a chronic sickness, job loss, depression, anxiety, or anything else life throws at us, we have a chance everyday to reset. Though we can’t change what has happened, we are able to change our perspective and response to the problem.

Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” we ask, “What can I learn from this?” What if we were able to look at our difficulties as opportunities for growth? I’ve spent a lot of time in my life bemoaning “woe is me,” and wondering why events happened the way they did. If you are going through that, let me save you some time- that thinking is a dead end street. We always want to look for reasons or try to figure out where our situation fits in with a divine plan, but we are better off moving forward.

Changing our perspective and growing though life’s difficulties involves a lot of work- dirty, sweaty, grimy, yucky work. When we come to that point, we have to examine ourselves and work towards making today better than yesterday. You will have to face some truths about yourself, but you will also discover an inner strength and resolve to face the world.

The work doesn’t have to take years. If you are willing to work at it, you can get through it in a matter of months. You set the pace. In the months since my wife filed for divorce, I have spoken to a therapist, began the process of dealing with my depression and anxiety, I find time to meditate, and I have gone back to church.  I don’t say that to brag, I know I have a long way to go. I am also dealing with chronic health problems as well, which affect my energy and mindset on a daily basis. Every morning I hear the alarm or the dogs whining to go out, I attempt to see the day as a chance to improve upon yesterday.

Thanks and God bless.

Rebuilding My Faith

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I went to church Sunday morning. I know a lot of people go to church on Sunday morning, but for me this marked the first time in over a year. With the events of the past several years, I had wandered from my faith. God was silent and I was finished with the  whole thing.

Until…

I began to feel a tug on my heart that I needed to get back to church. So I began the process of getting back into seeking God’s mercy. I walked into church and it felt like I never left. The worship was sweet and the pastor preached about the glory of God.

It was all so humbling that God still wanted something to do with me- after my wandering, my incorrect beliefs, and my not wanting anything to do with Him. God’s grace is greater than our sin and I understand that now.

“I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.” Psalm 122:1(KJV).