Drained and Fatigued

By Michael W. Raley

I was going to be productive today,

But my body made other plans.

After a night of rest,

I awoke drained and fatigued,

Only to realize an entire day lies ahead.

Every time I begin to emerge from the pit,

I am thrown back down into the darkness.

I try to stay active and move,

But my joints do not want to cooperate.

I get one of life’s wildfires under control

Only to notice two more are starting.

My deepest, most inner spiritual man cries for help,

Only to be silenced by the oppression of my mind.

I try to remain hopeful and move forward,

Only to have my progress stifled.

However, I will saddle up like a hardened cowboy

And get through this day,

Riding toward the horizon,

Hoping tomorrow will be better.

 

 

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The Overwhelmed Facade

 

By Michael W. Raley

I feel so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to begin.

I am doing my best to maintain the facade

While going through these difficult life transitions.

I feel so inadequate,

So not up to the challenge.

However, I know that’s not me.

Heartbreak and grief have overtaken me,

Rendering me helpless and hopeless.

I find myself fatigued and out of breath

As I try to remove the ever increasingly difficult obstacles in front of me.

If only my advocate would intervene and say, “That is enough,”

Then my heart would rejoice and my spirit would be victorious.

 

 

 

This House

brown and white concrete house surrounded with trees
Photo by Malte Lu on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

This house was once a symbol of love,

A sanctuary from the problems of the outside world.

This house was a home where faith ruled,

Where challenges were met and conquered.

Love has now been replaced by brokenness

And faith has been met with thunderous silence.

The sanctuary has become a prison,

For I am bound up with chains of failure.

This symbol of hope has become a monument to folly.

As I live alone in my thoughts,

I find myself in the throes of misery and depression,

Still trying to make sense of this new normal.

I seek to be freed from this burden of wood and concrete,

So that I may begin life anew.

That Elusive Hope

light candle hope
Photo by Iarlaith McNamara on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

Hope- a desire or expectation for a certain outcome-

Can remain as elusive as a treasure out of reach.

Even when the hope seems reasonable,

The path is still fraught with difficulty.

This constant difficulty, in turn frustrates our hope.

A vicious circle indeed!

We pursue hope in faith, in our hard work, in fortune, and a lover’s embrace,

All of which can be taken away,

Leaving us empty once more.

Reality has a nasty habit of sucker punching us,

Whether it is the doubt, the layoff, the disease diagnosis, or the lover’s departure

Or all of them at once.

“It has to get better,” we say to ourselves.

“There must be more to life than this,” we muse during a frustrating moment.

Hope, even in the most realistic appraisal of a situation,

Still flickers in the darkness and calls out to us.

By the grace of God,

I arose from my nightly slumber

To face another day.

Therefore, there is still hope.

 

 

 

 

My Compounded Grief

monochrome photography of person on dark room
Photo by Akshar Dave on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

I thought I could stay a step ahead of my grief,

But it ran me down.

Grief was the ferocious lion

And I was the helpless gazelle.

Grief has permeated every area of my life,

Even to the core of my identity.

My grief is compounded by the weight

Of depression and anxiety,

Which are enough on their own.

I pray desperately for a light

To pierce through this dark night of my soul,

However, the darkness remains.

The harder I push through,

The tougher the resistance.

The greater my cries,

The more resounding the silence.

 

The Ever Encroaching Reality

adult alone backlit black and white
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

Things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

Yet, I find myself dealing with the fallout

Of my life to this point.

I am fighting for sanity and survival,

While God remains silent.

My prayers bounce off the walls and ceiling.

I face another day without help from on high.

My spirit is laid low and my mind is clouded

To the point I can’t think straight.

I am hesitant to trust my decision making process

Because a few of my choices led me to this place.

There are positives, but I must remain focused

On the ever encroaching reality of today.

 

The Ghosts of Decisions Past

night building forest trees
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

By Michael W. Raley

Haunted by the ghosts of decisions past,

My life of late has been filled with regret

From one fateful choice,

Which set off a chain of events

I cannot undo.

I saw the problem on the horizon,

But I chose to look the other way.

My instincts warned me,

But I refused to listen.

I now find myself here,

Trying to rebuild a shattered life,

Attempting to climb out of this bottomless pit.

I now ponder how I can forgive myself

For what has happened,

Forgive myself for the series of failures

My life has become.