White Noise

black crt tv showing gray screen
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By Michael W. Raley

I scroll through this endless feed,

Not coming across a thing I need

To know from this informational barrage,

Which just piles up like junk in the garage.

All I hear and see is white noise,

A way to pass the time,

A distraction to detract me

From what needs to be done.

I ask myself the question,

“What am I looking for on here?”

Whatever it is, I haven’t found it yet

And I doubt I ever will.

However, I go back because it’s easy

And it’s free,

Unless I count the cost of time wasted

And the life that passes me by.

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This Unexpected Second Chance

gray pathway surrounded by green tress
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By Michael W. Raley

I never thought I would’ve ended up here,

After all the hard work, sacrifice, tears,

The late nights, the prayers, and conquering the fears.

I gave you everything I had, even my youthful years.

I now find myself in middle age,

Getting ready to turn the page

On a chapter I didn’t plan to write,

Like an unexpected fog rolling in on a clear night.

However, I am learning to embrace this unexpected second chance,

Even if it was born of the most unpleasant circumstance.

My heart and spirit for a time were broken and frail,

I am now determined to clear my path and blaze a trail.

 

 

 

 

The Wave of Depression

ocean wave
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By Michael W. Raley

The wave of depression overwhelms me,

Casting me down to the ground.

I know today’s not going to be my day.

I’ll put on the brave face

And go through the day

Like an ox plowing a field,

Except I won’t break any new ground.

This wave is not an everyday occurrence,

But it has tendency to stick around

Longer than it needs to stay.

I know deep down that I choose my response,

Yet, snapping out of it is not easy.

As I live my life day to day,

I learn the lessons of defeat

Along side the sweet savor of the victories.

The wave may be at high tide today,

But even the strongest forces of nature subside in time.

The Challenge of the Change

By Michael W. Raley

I took a leap of faith

And landed flat on my face.

However, I don’t have time to mourn my fate

Because I have to finish this race.

I cannot afford to remain

Mentally sick and frail,

Bound up with pain,

For I’m setting out on a new trail.

I am shutting down the negativity and the strife,

While setting forth the new rules for my life.

I must say so long

To time wasted on perceived slights and wrongs,

For I am choosing a new way

To live out the rest of my days.

Though my mind is nervous and frightened,

My spirit man is alert and heightened

With the awareness each new day brings

From the Lord, to whom I praise and sing.

Though my life has been turned upside down and rearranged,

I welcome the challenge of the change.

Book Review “Football for a Buck”

Jeff Pearlman’s book, Football for a Buck: The Crazy Rise and Crazier Demise of the USFL is a fascinating read that brilliantly weaves in multiple narratives of an upstart football league, politics, and larger than life personalities of players, coaches, and owners.

The USFL, aka The United States Football league, was in operation for 1983-1985 and was a spring American football alternative to the NFL. Pearlman’s research is thorough and describes how the idea for the USFL actually dated back to 1961, when New Orleans business owner David Dixon conceived of a spring football league. However, it wasn’t until the early 1980s before his idea came to fruition.

The USFL had teams in established NFL territories such as Houston (the Gamblers), Tampa Bay (the Bandits), Philadelphia (the Stars), and Chicago (the Blitz) to name a few. There were also teams in other cities where there was no NFL presence: Jacksonville (the Bulls), Memphis (the Showboats), Orlando (the Renegades), and San Antonio (the Gunslingers). The USFL played an 18 game regular schedule compared to the NFL’s 16 game regular season schedule.

Pearlman’s book has many stories of the gross mismanagement and incompetence of multiple USFL franchises, but teams were not short on talent. Four players from the USFL- quarterbacks Steve Young and Jim Kelly, defensive end Reggie White, and offensive lineman Gary Zimmerman went on to have hall of fame careers in the NFL. The USFL also managed to snag three consecutive Heisman Trophy winners away from the NFL- running back Herschel Walker, quarterback Doug Flutie, and running back Mike Rozier. In many ways, the USFL was ahead of its time. Several USFL innovations- a salary cap to control team spending, an instant replay challenge system, and the two point conversion have been adopted by the NFL during the last three decades.

The USFL was not without its growing pains, but the league tried to do too much too fast. Pearlman’s book shows how politics and greed led to the USFL’s downfall. The politics has an effect on our world today. Donald Trump, the current President of the United States, purchased the New Jersey Generals and was instrumental in convincing team owners to play a fall schedule in order to compete head on with the NFL. The move lead to the USFL filing an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL, in which the USFL won, but received $1 in damages. One dollar. The USFL closed its doors prior to the start of the 1986 season.

Overall, I enjoyed Football for a Buck, as it combined two of my interest- history and American football. Pearlman does a great job in bringing parallels of the USFL’s politics into our current political environment and he also focuses on stories of lesser known USFL players. I would recommend Football for a Buck: The Crazy Rise and Crazier Demise of the USFL for anyone interested in sports, history, and politics.

The Awkward In-Between

By Michael W. Raley

For a once solid relationship,

Which was built on love, trust, faith, laughs, and deep conversations,

The dynamics have changed forever.

Since you left,

The deafening sound of silence has dominated the conversation in this house.

We now talk occasionally and as always, with civility,

But something feels off to me.

I know this process has to run its course,

However, I now find myself in this awkward in-between,

Where I don’t know what to say to you,

As if we are strangers meeting for the first time.

We are both living our new lives

After half of a lifetime together.

I know I must adapt to the new reality

And find my own way without you.

 

 

The Life Changer

 

My wife has filed the divorce papers and they are now in my possession. I signed off on the papers in front of the notary, but it doesn’t make seeing the “Filed” stamp any easier. The papers of course, have their legal jargon such as “dissolution of marriage,” “petitioner,” “respondent,” and the statement, “The marriage is broken.” I never thought that eighteen years of marriage could come down to a stack of paperwork stamped by a county employee.

I will not get into specifics, but I can say we are trying to split amicably. My wife has rented an apartment and I will get the house. We were never able to have children, so no one else has to be dragged through this. We have also divided up the physical possessions and are working on the final financial details. If the judge determines the paperwork is in order, the divorce could be final in as little as 60 days.

I have had my good days and bad days with this situation, but I have resolved to move on with my life. I know plenty of people who have been divorced and there is no shame in it, but I will not allow bitterness to consume me. People like to use the term “game changer,” however, this is a life changer.

Divorces and break-ups are long processes, as there are a lot of emotions involved. However, I am determined to do the work necessary to get through this grief. I have worked through a couple of stages, mainly disbelief and anger. My heart is broken, as this is another hard life event, as has everything else in the last three years.

I know what steps I have to take, but I have made a list of promises for myself:

-Do not become bitter.

-Do not let the anger consume you.

-No disparaging remarks concerning my wife.

-Set new goals in every aspect of life.

-Work on improving myself each day.

-Life live with a renewed purpose.

-Live this life for myself.