The Danger of the “One More Day” Mentality

writings in a planner
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There are days and dates we all look forward to-birthdays, holidays, vacations, weekends, etc. In our minds and with our actions, we begin a countdown in anticipation for the day and/or event. However, what if we are doing ourselves a disservice in counting down the days? I’m not saying that we should not be joyful about an upcoming event, but we must be careful not to lose the joy of the present moment in the process.

I work a typical Monday through Friday job. I don’t have to work on the weekends unless I volunteer (a change from some other jobs I’ve had). I enjoy my downtime as it is an opportunity to rest, work on projects, and spend time with family. “One more day” is the mantra that I hear repeated on Thursday morning. In other words, let’s look past today to get to tomorrow.

One more day.What would you do with one more day? We get one more day every morning we wake-up. Twenty-four hours, 1,440 minutes, and 86,400 seconds make up a day. With each day we live, we have one less day to live. After midnight, today is never coming back. Why waste today for a tomorrow that may never come?

It is our human nature to delay our pleasure of the present moment for a far off day in the future. We think we will enjoy life when we retire after a lifetime of working or we wait for the “timing to be right” to start a business, start a family, to start following God, or any other long-term goal we have in mind. There may never be a right time in the future because today may be our last day. I don’t say that to be morose or to bring on fear, I’m just being realistic. We never know when our “one more days” will run out, we must live wisely.

As I write this, I am forty-two years old. I can give you a list off the top of my head of people I know who never lived to see my age. No matter how old you are, I’m sure you can do the same thing. Now multiply that by every person on the planet. Enjoy today. Let go of grudges. Hug your family and tell them you love them. Make sure your spiritual affairs are in order because we never know when we will meet God. I will end with this Scripture from the Book of James.

“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life” You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15, NIV).

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Dogs are just Four-Legged Toddlers

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At this stage of my life, I have no children- except for the four-legged, furry kind. Yes, I am part of the community who identify themselves as “fur parents.” I don’t call us a family, because we are a pack. Being a fur parent for me is just a natural outgrowth of how my family viewed dogs. Our dogs were never pets, but part of the family. The dogs lived in the house with us, they watched TV with us, and played outside with us. Having a dog in the house was like having an incredibly hairy little brother or sister. I never understood how people could keep their dog chained up outside or in a kennel 24/7. Dogs, like people, need companionship and the need to be part of a family.

I am neither a child expert nor am I an animal behavior expert, however I have made several unscientific observations between toddlers and dogs. I have a younger sister, younger cousins, and nieces and nephews, so I’ve watched children grow and develop into adults. I’ve also had a dogs from puppies to the end of their lives. For those with children, imagine if your child was a toddler for ten to fifteen years and that’s life with a dog. Scary, huh? Drum roll please! Here are some of the reasons dogs are four-legged toddlers:

Privacy? What privacy?

I’ve heard complaints from many mothers about how they can’t even go to the bathroom without being bombarded by their children. It’s the same way with dogs. If I don’t close the bathroom door all the way, I receive numerous visits while attending to the call of nature or trying to bathe.

Mine! Mine!

If a child can pick up an item, put it in their mouth,or run off with it, it’s theirs. Mine! Mine! The encounter between grown parent and toddler becomes a wrestling match more fierce than any main event at a Wrestlemania. The difference: dogs try to be sneaky about it, but give themselves away. Once you see that sneaky look from your dog, the race is on! In trying to pry open a dog’s mouth to get the object, I feel I missed my calling as a lion tamer or alligator wrestler. Some of the things I’ve taken out of my dogs’ mouths over the years: nylon knee highs, socks, used tissues, cotton swabs (a particular favoirte of dogs), clumps of grass, squeakers from destoyed dog toys, and random bits of trash when we take walks.

They like to fight when you’re on the phone.

I know my sister and I probably argued when my mom was on the phone. I’m sure all of us have at one point. That’s why I believe we pay our penance when we become parents/fur parents. All it takes is for the phone to ring and the chaos ensues. I don’t know how many phone conversations I’ve had when my dogs decide to play tug-of-war or the youngest dog wants to pester the older dog. When this starts, so does the finger snapping and the muted “shut up,” “quiet,” or “knock it off.” I try to go to another room and they follow me (see Privacy? What Privacy?).

They act up when you have company.

Dogs, much like people, are creatures of habit. Although they can’t tell time, dogs just have instincts, they know when it’s time to eat, when you’re coming home from work or school, and when it’s time for bed. However, a knock on the door can upset that routine and it’s time to go into “protect the pack mode.” Even if the dog is familiar with the guest, there could be several minutes of noise, which can and will disrupt conversations with your visitors.

Sibling Rivalry

If you grew up an only child, your parents dedicated their time and attention solely to you. However, what happens when you have brothers and sisters? You have to share your parents’ time, attention, and affection. We humans by nature are selfish and greedy- we want what we want when we want it. Sibling rivalry develops when it becomes a competition for a parent’s acceptance.

“Mommy, look at the picture I drew.”

“Hey, mom, look at me instead because I made the honor roll.”

“Mom, look at me I climbed Mount Everest.”

“Mom, look at me, I’m going to Mars.”

This principle works in dogs as well, because of the pack mentality. When you’re petting one dog, the other one nudges in between. You’re playing with one dog, the other brings their toy for you to play with them instead. Just like with rival kids, there will be growling and barking.

You wouldn’t trade them for the world.

All joking aside, I love my dogs. I would do anything to protect them and to provide for their needs. When your dog looks at you, you have entered a judgment free zone. All I see in those eyes are unconditional love and acceptance. Yes, there are days when they wake me up too early, days they embarrass me, and days when they make me mad, but deep down I know I will love them until their dying day and they know that. I will happily endure the water trails and brown triangles on the floor, the cold noses on the face, and the scattered toys throughout the house because with those things come hugs, cuddles, and kisses. Be thankful for your two-legged and your four-legged children because they are a gift from God. The next time you’re trying to install a new garbage disposal and your dog sticks his head under the sink, remember, he just wants to be where you are.

From the Darkness

By Michael W. Raley

From the darkness I have emerged,

As my hope is no longer submerged

By the ocean of emotional turmoil

My feet now stand on firm soil.

In my spirit and soul, all is well

After my seemingly endless season in hell.

With the Lord’s help, I was victorious;

My joy and peace feel glorious.

An Encounter with a Whitetail Deer

By Michael W. Raley

In the stillness of a hot summer night,

I encountered a whitetail deer.

The doe was at the edge of the woods,

Standing on the grass.

Curious and pensive,

The doe looked in my direction.

As I looked back at her,

My spirit admired the beauty of God’s creation.

As I started to make my way back home,

The noise startled the deer

And she turned to seek refuge in the woods.

Arise Wounded Warrior

By Michael W. Raley

Truly, a crushed spirit is hard to bear,

For it represents the time you put yourself out there,

Only to be met with rejection and pain.

You ask yourself, What did I gain?

I gave myself to someone or to a cause,

Only for them to reject me because of my flaws.

Or how about the prayers which go unanswered?

The anguish will eat away at you like a cancer.

Our best hope is to be thankful and rise up each day,

So that we may continually seek our path, to learn the true way.

You may have suffered defeat,

But that is not an excuse to retreat.

Arise wounded warriors! Arise!

Today we have wisdom, strength, and momentum on our side.

Renewal

By Michael W Raley

With a change of environment,

I feel as if my life is fresh once again.

Hope has returned to my spirit.

My sleep is deeper,

My coffee taste sweeter,

The air seems fresher

And the world looks different.

I’ve severed ties with the past

And by God’s grace I am in a position

To move forward, looking ahead

With wide-eyed wonder to new possibilities.

The Countdown has Begun

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The house has been sold.  This house represents seventeen-and-a-half years of memories, but it is now symbolic of a broken home. My ex-wife and I built this house together and that is why staying here was taking a toll on my mental health.

After speaking with family and a few close friends, I decided the best thing to do would be to put the house on the market. The real estate market is hot in my area and my house sold in three days. While cause for celebration, the quick sell accelerated my timeline for finding a new place.

I am happy to be moving and beginning this new journey of my life. I’ll be moving into an apartment for the next year so I can figure out the next steps. I have no problem in living in a smaller space or downsizing my stuff because I’ve learned not to measure my value or success by the things I own.

I never thought I would be starting over at this stage of my life, but here I am. If you think about it, each day gives us a chance to start afresh. While the thought of the additional packing and cleaning wears me out, I am balanced with the expectation of a clean slate. Yes, selling the house does not change the personal circumstances- the divorce, the toll on my mental health, or what the future holds, but this is for the best. I had to do what was best for me.